Being the person you want your child to be…

…Super tough, I say! How do you, if you can see your faults, turn into a person you think you should be while carrying a child? I hear it all the time – don’t think like this, don’t stress over this, don’t cry, stay happy. And I understand the concerns. But hello, you’re asking me to stop being who I am without asking the world to change for me. Not fair!

As a mother-to-be, I realise I must do everything in my power to make my child’s life-t0-be as happy as can be. And if that requires staying happy, I should happily do it. But someone tell the world to keep me happy, okay? To listen to me, to do my bidding once in a while, to behave. I can’t promise I won’t cry if there will be things to make me cry. I can’t promise I’ll be all cool and nonchalant when my world’s turning topsy-turvy. I can’t promise I won’t want things I can’t have. I can’t do it!

If work is stressing the life out of me, what do I do – give it up? Oh, I would love to be thisΒ efficient manager of emotions I’ve never been, but how do I do it? How do I wake up one morning and say ‘nothing’s gonna get to me from today’, that this is not important from now on? If I could do all of that, I’d write a self-help book, no?

When I got pregnant, I didn’t take on a new personality. And sometimes I worry that perhaps, I should’ve. I mean, I’m not a worrier, I’m not an unhappy person and I can take on the world for whatever it gives me. But I’m extremely perceptive and so, the most trivial of things can get me to fret and cry for days. And then, there’s this feeling I have these days – that all’s not well with my world right now, that I’m getting socked for no fault of mine. Sometimes, you do something you know is wrong and you know you’re getting what you deserve. Right now, I feel clueless about where what’s coming from. I focus on the right stuff, the happy stuff. And then, crash, bam, boom – it all messes up! Send me good vibes, will you?

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23 responses »

  1. Good vibes? Here..take them…much coming your way πŸ™‚

    I know how everyone goes “Stay happy ok?”, but doesn’t realize that it cannot happen like a click of a button.

    In fact, I use the line on friends who are pregnant too..and they nod happily. Maybe it is just that people want to keep reminding to stay cheerful? To remind that all you feel is directly reflected on to another human being now. It IS scary, but that is what makes it challenging.

    Try and keep away from the the negativity, if you can. If not, you are only being human when you shed the tears.

    {{Hugs}}

    • Thank you πŸ™‚

      I realise that when others say ‘stay happy’ they really have our best interest in mind. And it’s not like I don’t try my hardest to be… But it is challenging!

  2. Hugs. Been hearing the same and not been impacting me at all- since, it seems I am all the more unhappy since I have been pregnant. My body, my life is changing too soon and it seems I have absolutely no control over it. And I am reacting the way I would in any similar situation- by fretting, by crying. I have definitely not changed into a new person overnight.

    • Oh God! Thankfully, I’ve taken to the changes in and around me better than I thought I would. But life’s still being itself.

  3. Everything goes under tremendous change…it may be a play of hormones at this point of time. We have hundred mouths around to give us sermons,lectures.I shall not give any……:)
    Its a phase and should pass quickly and give you some memories for post preg times….just how you coped with these days and trust me they really make you stronger….:)

    [[[[[[hugs]]]] …sending good and much positive vibes with this click…feel them around and be happy..:)

  4. D, the jokes that I message you… πŸ™‚ Please read them… Most of them are real PJs, but then thats they are meant to be.. May be they’ll help you to smile..
    Take care… the angel inside you is reading all this and is also thinking how to make you smile.. :-))

  5. Given that there are so many hormonal changes happening during pregnancy, it is difficult to always be cheerful, but certainly worth trying to surround yourself with positives as far as you can. Having a good cry when you feel like it is far better than bottling up your feelings. Take care.

  6. Congratulations D!!!!!!
    I am checking you blog after a very long time…
    For what it is worth, I totally understand how you feel (when I think about the future with a kid)
    I usually get better after a nights’ sleep πŸ™‚

    Good vibes and hugs…

  7. This too shall pass! Just imagine about the life inside you and how things would be when the bundle of joy is in your own hands–that will make all the blues go away and you’ll be smiling the happy smile again!

  8. First off, here … loadsa happy happy vibes!! :)))

    I totally hear ya. It is tough but doable. You, out of all the people, can do it. It’s really just was a matter of convincing my mind I realized when I was pregnant. There were many times when I was down but I talked myself out of it. Literally talked. Told myself that I have to be happy, forced myself to smile, looked into a mirror, smiled, forced a laugh, and it never failed to work. i’d be happy the next moment … thinking and dreaming about my baby. :))) Sooner than later, during pregnancy, happy hormones (serotonin) do kick in too. They did for me. I was always on a strange high that i’d never experienced before …. andddd very forgetful too at the same time. I had to write me a checklist of things to do every morning or else i’d definitely forget ’em. so ya, hopefully, serotonin will soon kick in for u … but i dunno if u want the forgetfulness. :))

    either way, you are doing fabulous already. just having the best for your child in your mind is more than plenty. just that thought itself is releasing plenty healthy happy hormones that are sending happy vibes to the baby already. :)) gosh, im so happy for you. wish you the best, D. you’ll do great.

    • Thank you Roop! I already feel the happy vibes!And yes, I get such strange bouts of unexplainable happiness, it’s awesome πŸ™‚ It’s like a free joy ride! On days when I’m down and out, I miss that feeling of bouyancy. And I work towards it, all the time.

  9. Can relate to what you’re feeling. It’s so much like what I am feeling these days too. I am extremely perceptive too, and I can see the far-reaching impact of things. I try not to think about them, but well, I am human.
    Sending good vibes your way.

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