…Super tough, I say! How do you, if you can see your faults, turn into a person you think you should be while carrying a child? I hear it all the time – don’t think like this, don’t stress over this, don’t cry, stay happy. And I understand the concerns. But hello, you’re asking me to stop being who I am without asking the world to change for me. Not fair!
As a mother-to-be, I realise I must do everything in my power to make my child’s life-t0-be as happy as can be. And if that requires staying happy, I should happily do it. But someone tell the world to keep me happy, okay? To listen to me, to do my bidding once in a while, to behave. I can’t promise I won’t cry if there will be things to make me cry. I can’t promise I’ll be all cool and nonchalant when my world’s turning topsy-turvy. I can’t promise I won’t want things I can’t have. I can’t do it!
If work is stressing the life out of me, what do I do – give it up? Oh, I would love to be this efficient manager of emotions I’ve never been, but how do I do it? How do I wake up one morning and say ‘nothing’s gonna get to me from today’, that this is not important from now on? If I could do all of that, I’d write a self-help book, no?
When I got pregnant, I didn’t take on a new personality. And sometimes I worry that perhaps, I should’ve. I mean, I’m not a worrier, I’m not an unhappy person and I can take on the world for whatever it gives me. But I’m extremely perceptive and so, the most trivial of things can get me to fret and cry for days. And then, there’s this feeling I have these days – that all’s not well with my world right now, that I’m getting socked for no fault of mine. Sometimes, you do something you know is wrong and you know you’re getting what you deserve. Right now, I feel clueless about where what’s coming from. I focus on the right stuff, the happy stuff. And then, crash, bam, boom – it all messes up! Send me good vibes, will you?