>Time traveller

>When you see the things I see, do you remember me like I remember you?

Read that somewhere on the same day that I realised that memories aren’t the same for two people inhabiting the same world. And it hurts when the beautiful memories you have of a time mean nothing to those people who feature in them.

My sister and I should have the same things to share about our childhood – things we did together should be as much a part of her memories as they are of mine. But she remembers none of those. And says I make them up half the time, because it’s too far back. She doesn’t remember that I used to make up stories to tell her at night and she would invariably fall asleep before I finished them. She says she was never interested in what haircut I had as a child when I always thought I had short hair (almost) all my childhood because my elder siblings thought I looked cute like that. She doesn’t remember us having the good times. And it hurts. Because I have no childhood if she refuses to concede anything that I remember from back then. What do I do with those memories which don’t exist without her? It means the childhood I’ve been reconstructing is just an imaginary world, that it’s not for real.

But how can she help it? She must have a different set of memories of her childhood. Memories in which I feature, maybe, but not in the same light as I feature in mine. The past is just a reconstruction of our minds, then. What’s there to tell the difference between fact and imagination? What’s there to say that my memory is real and her’s is not? What’s in the past becomes all intangible. It might as well not have happened at all.

And anyway, I remember a lot of things that others don’t – I have a good memory, people say. But I don’t enjoy it. I don’t like remembering things that others don’t remember. I don’t also like remembering people and their names and their contexts in my life when they’ve forgotten it all. It is so convenient to forget. But I remember. As a student, it was great. At work, it’s great. But otherwise, it’s just so much excess info that I’m lugging around with me. I want to forget, not because it’s unnecessary – it used to be considered nice to remember people’s names – but because it’s probably unfashionable (?) now…

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14 responses »

  1. >not at all..it's a gift from GOD and you must cherish it that you are capable of remembering so much from every quarter of life..D,we really need to meet up some day..even this memory thing matches up with me…Even if I don't want to remember anything it'll get stuck with my memory cells and there..I've all the information-required or not…What's your zodiac by the way ?

  2. >I have been thinking along those lines, for a while now…Isn't it a really sad mirror of a society, where being good, caring, remembering others, their names and other details, is looked down upon. I think its just sad.And girl I will always feel good, if you remember things about me!

  3. >I don't think it works this way….I believe your memories are yours and that's something no one can take away from you….Not even the denial of the person who is the part of your memories.I believe memories are the most personal things and can be enjoyed only by the one who has it, I know this is a bad analogy but nevertheless they are like the old faded T-shirt that you love to put on because it makes you feel comfortable, at ease, makes you feel yourself and everyone around you hates it and keeps telling how horrible it looks. But then they can't deny you the right to wear the T-shirt nor the right to cherish the memory. Though at times memories are shared and be bonded but having expectation of your memories being cherished by someone else too is a bit too much to expect.

  4. >You must must cherish it.. You are blessed to have a sister.. I am sure there must be so much love between the two of you…Keep them safe.. Denial doesnt really mean much.. Some day.. she will learn to love and appreciate them as well…

  5. >@Nu: You been through the same stuff?Yes, of course we should meet up some day. I'm aries. You?@Goofy: 🙂 I do remember lots, hopefully everything you've told me.@Prats: Perhaps you're right. Perhaps I'm a sentimental fool :)@Pat: Yes, I love my sister loads, and she does me. And you're right, I'm going to hold on to my memories of perfect us.@Soulmate: 🙂 Bas thoda sa!

  6. >YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. YESSSSSSSSSSSS. i go through this all the time. and i love: "but because it's probably unfashionable (?) now…"i feel exactly that when i recognise someone who pretends not to recognise me or really doesn't.

  7. >यादों की बौछारों से जब पलकें भीगने लगती हैंकितनी सोंधी लगती है तब माज़ी की रुसवाई भी…

  8. >You know D, the funny this is, I remember lots, especially about people, and related things. And it feels really sad, when that is misinterpreted. Its sad that in the world today, being self absorbed, least concerned about all else, is considered a virtue. Really sad!

  9. >@ummon: Unfashionable is the word then, right?@Pradip: Kya baat hai!@Goofy: Yeah, I know how people's minds work… they think they must be some ulterior motiveto remember so much stuff.

  10. >I go through that very thing with my siblings, it can be frustrating. My sister calls me the “memory” because I remember a lot and details (especially some things people would rather pretend never happened). She says her “gut” tells her that what I remember is true, based on what she does remember and logic. My brother and I go through- “the carpet was avocado green” “No, it was lime green…” “Well it WAS on fire either way!” “Well yeah but you don’t have the story straight…” “Well you did set it on fire, Right?” “Well yeah….but it was LIME GREEN, so your story is not true!” I suppose if I was the one setting stuff on fire, I’d rather it not be remembered either. Yes, it is sometimes a burden, but my memories are mine, and yours are yours, whether or not anyone else remembers it the same way or not at all.

  11. >just came across ur blog.. very much identify with what u said… thankfully my sister remembers a lot of stuff so no complaints there, but people u have met a couple of times pretend as if u have just landed from another planet.. & that hurts..

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