>You don’t know it’s a mistake till you’ve made it. What I’m going to do may be a mistake. It may not be. In any case, it’s a HUGE decision for me to have taken. I told you I’m moving. I didn’t tell you I’m moving alone, not with The Guy. To Delhi. Temporarily. And I’ll be back home, hopefully, soon.
It’s just one of those things that happen. Little pieces of the puzzle have come together to fit in. There has been no resistance from anyone, not even the expected quarters. Everybody who means anything to me has given their seal of approval and it has made the decision so much easier to execute. Yes, it’s been our decision, but it’s almost as though things have been happening on their own, propelled by some force that we’re oblivious of. In December, I got this very tempting job offer in Delhi to do what I’m most passionate about doing. It’s a job in the media industry and I’m asked to believe, a covetous one. This wasn’t the first time in the last three years that I’ve been offered jobs away from Lucknow, but this was the first time I was tempted. This time round, it seemed like the last time I could avail a longstanding offer. It seemed like the point of no-return, the road that diverges in Robert Frost’s wood; I had to choose the road less travelled.
After I left my full-time job in the publication industry in Lucknow three years ago, I had increasingly begun to realise that what I had left was what I was meant to do, what I should be doing. And if I consistently kept refusing offers to do just that, I had no one to blame but myself. I was getting this almost on a platter now and if I turned it away, I would be turning myself away from the life I’ve wanted. In the ideal world, I would have made the choice to work where I was best suited to without having to stay away from my husband. But this is not an ideal world. Saying yes to that job was not a difficult decision; saying yes to the idea of staying in two different cities was a very, very difficult decision. I don’t think I’ve still reconciled myself to that idea and may be living in some kind of a denial mode. It’s also called the coping mechanism! But The Guy has been the one gently pushing me forward to take the challenge head-on because he knows how much this means to me. He has been the one who’s virtually taken this decision for me, because I’m too weak to have taken this on my own. It’s a rare man who has the heart to let go of his wife because she has an ambition. That rare man is mine.
For a very long time, life had been feeling like the lull before the storm. I felt like I was on the precipice of change though I did not know what that change would be. For the longest time, I thought motherhood would be that change. Because I haven’t been childfree, I have been childless. It was only natural for me to think that the next big thing in my life would be a baby. I have a biological clock ticking faster than I can keep pace with but the good thing is I’m not stressed about it. Yes, it’s always there at the back of my mind, because it is important to me. But I’m not going to give up the rest of my life for it. I cannot do that for something I do not yet have. So when this job came up, it was almost as if there was a reason for how things had shaped up till now.
It’s not going to be easy, the road I’ve chosen. I’ve had a very comfortable life till now and there’s no way my life in another city will be anything like this. But hopefully…
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.