>The Road Less Travelled

>You don’t know it’s a mistake till you’ve made it. What I’m going to do may be a mistake. It may not be. In any case, it’s a HUGE decision for me to have taken. I told you I’m moving. I didn’t tell you I’m moving alone, not with The Guy. To Delhi. Temporarily. And I’ll be back home, hopefully, soon.

It’s just one of those things that happen. Little pieces of the puzzle have come together to fit in. There has been no resistance from anyone, not even the expected quarters. Everybody who means anything to me has given their seal of approval and it has made the decision so much easier to execute. Yes, it’s been our decision, but it’s almost as though things have been happening on their own, propelled by some force that we’re oblivious of. In December, I got this very tempting job offer in Delhi to do what I’m most passionate about doing. It’s a job in the media industry and I’m asked to believe, a covetous one. This wasn’t the first time in the last three years that I’ve been offered jobs away from Lucknow, but this was the first time I was tempted. This time round, it seemed like the last time I could avail a longstanding offer. It seemed like the point of no-return, the road that diverges in Robert Frost’s wood; I had to choose the road less travelled.

After I left my full-time job in the publication industry in Lucknow three years ago, I had increasingly begun to realise that what I had left was what I was meant to do, what I should be doing. And if I consistently kept refusing offers to do just that, I had no one to blame but myself. I was getting this almost on a platter now and if I turned it away, I would be turning myself away from the life I’ve wanted. In the ideal world, I would have made the choice to work where I was best suited to without having to stay away from my husband. But this is not an ideal world. Saying yes to that job was not a difficult decision; saying yes to the idea of staying in two different cities was a very, very difficult decision. I don’t think I’ve still reconciled myself to that idea and may be living in some kind of a denial mode. It’s also called the coping mechanism! But The Guy has been the one gently pushing me forward to take the challenge head-on because he knows how much this means to me. He has been the one who’s virtually taken this decision for me, because I’m too weak to have taken this on my own. It’s a rare man who has the heart to let go of his wife because she has an ambition. That rare man is mine.

For a very long time, life had been feeling like the lull before the storm. I felt like I was on the precipice of change though I did not know what that change would be. For the longest time, I thought motherhood would be that change. Because I haven’t been childfree, I have been childless. It was only natural for me to think that the next big thing in my life would be a baby. I have a biological clock ticking faster than I can keep pace with but the good thing is I’m not stressed about it. Yes, it’s always there at the back of my mind, because it is important to me. But I’m not going to give up the rest of my life for it. I cannot do that for something I do not yet have. So when this job came up, it was almost as if there was a reason for how things had shaped up till now.

It’s not going to be easy, the road I’ve chosen. I’ve had a very comfortable life till now and there’s no way my life in another city will be anything like this. But hopefully…

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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58 responses »

  1. >all the very best 🙂 trust me you wont regret it one bit :DAs far as stayin away from the Guy goes, it will work out. My parents are working in Delhi and Mumbai, it a bit sad to see them so far off at this stage of their lives, but its been working out far easier than i thought it would be 🙂 Dad drops by once in a month and Mom also plans her vacations in a manner that suits both of them. its tough but, manageable 🙂 :)*hugs*Saima

  2. >D,I told you the first time I chanced on your blog that your life's happenings mirror my life! It's scary cause ýou are getting into my head and writing my thoughts as is:-)I wish you all the best in your endeavour – you'll do well. And btw I've been blessed with the lifetime company of a guy who is the most selfless being I've met! When you have such people as your life partners what more would you want right:-)Do well and all the best!

  3. >My best wishes and congratulations on getting another chance to do what you really want to, no matter how hard, it is such a privilege.Good Luck, Hope you have a great time in Delhi.

  4. >More power to you D !! All the best !!! And I so very much believe in the 'road less traveled' concept ..what is life without challenges .. and as far as living apart from hubby I know its difficult but maybe thats also part of the plan, when you meet after a long you have the so much bottled love to make babies .. 😉 Enjoy this phase in life !!! 🙂

  5. >Arrey waah! Off to saadi dilli are you? When? Very nice. I am sure you are happy doing this and that is the reason you are going ahead. All the best for the new frontier to be conquered, I am sure you will rock it. And when do you move, what is the covetted post, please do tell!!PS – What is the difference between child free n childless, please enlighten the ignorant!

  6. >D,I have gone through the exact situation 2 years back.And I did travel the less traveled road. And I also feel lucky that H did support me in everything !! I lived away from him in Mumbai for 2 years…though it was tough but worth it..I also am able to relate to the biological clock and the baby thing at the back of the mind…everything !I wish you all the best D…I know you will sail through it smoothly..Just a phase and the guy on your side..it will be easier than expected ! 🙂

  7. >Hey D! All the best for the new turn that you are taking. I am sure you will do very well. I can understand when you take the road less travelled by… You sure have a rare man (touchwood)!

  8. >Hey D! All the best for the new turn in your life! I am sure you will do very well. I can understand the stress or rather the mixed feeling of excitement and anxiety that comes when you do such a thing. You truly have a rare man (touchwood!)

  9. >i know exactly how difficult it gets to be. i am also moving. i am also moving alone. i dont know whether i should say i am fortunate that i am not married or unfortunate that i am not married. :)all the best. you genuinely have the rarest man. 🙂

  10. >Hey i can so understand your dilemma.. But everything that happens .. happens for good…Congrats n All the best with your new job.. Hope all the sacrifices made turns out to be for a very good cause…

  11. >@Saima: Thank you! I know there are so many couples out there doing what I'm going to do. And I'm banking on their experience to get through with mine :)@Minal: Wow! This is amazing! To have a partner who's never going to leave your hand can make even tough times seem easier. Thank you for the wishes.@alwayshappykya: Yes AHK, this has been about listening to the heart. I hope the heart knows what it's asking for! :)@How do we know: Thank you!@Sandhya: And I'm truly thankful for the privileges of my life.@Aneri: Thank you. Without all that support I would really not have been able to do with so much confidence.@Manisha: LOL! Yes, we're hoping the distance is going to rekindle the underlying passion 😉 @IHM: Thank you for the wishes.

  12. >@DDD: Thank you! And I hope to do that :)@Goofy: This was the BIG news I'd been wanting to share with you.And there are more enlightened folks around here who can tell the difference between childfree and childless better than me!@Nu: I had no idea you've lived through this. There's so much comfort in finding people who you can share your experiences with. Thank you for the wishes.@Tina: Yes, there's a strange sense of excitement and apprehension. And I hope there's reason for the former and none for the latter!@SMM: Thank you! I'm hoping I'll have overcome my reticence to meet blogger friends soon enough, now that I'll be in greater physical proximity ;)@Piggy Little: I would say you're fortunate you're not married. And that I'm fortunate I am married :D@Neha: Thank you. Hope it turns out to be my dream job!@Mumbai Diva: I hope so too.

  13. >First off, Best of luck!!Secondly, if u think this is what u want, then u should do it. Regardless of family, home, children etc. All of these are a part of your life, it isn't ur life. This is probably the only one ur gonna get, so why not grab the opportunity with both hands and enjoy it to the maximum!U have a wonderful support system in ur husband. Nothing will ever compare to him. So, even if this is the job everyone dreams of; you will come choose the man who will ALWAYS mean more than any job in the world :)So, don worry about the world and the future.. Have fun!!

  14. >Change always brings fear. Just like things in the past, you know how to cope with all these. All the very best for the new beginning.And don't worry about the distance dear. The lesser time together means both of you will appreciate it much much better.

  15. >@Charmed One: I believe that too – whatever happens happens for the best.@Dee: All of that was in my mind while taking the decision. I just kept thinking that if these opportunities were coming up time and again, there must be some reason for it. I can't keep ignoring the signs. And yes, my husband is the best that there is :)@Mamta: Thanks!@Bindhu: I was in Delhi and he was in Lucknow for three years while I was doing college. This feels like a rewind!@Sraboney: Lucky I am indeed! For everything that I do not have in life, my husband compensates for. 🙂

  16. >I really commend your decision to follow your dream…since I know I'd never have the courage to take up this challenge myself…All the best..I'm sure you'll make the best out of this opportunity 🙂

  17. >Congrats D… All the very best.. Dont worry.. we are here to protect you.. I am getting ideas about meeting while you are here.. :-)Hats off to your hubby for being so understanding and supportive.. God bless both of you.. Lets meet..

  18. >Hey Dee,Congrats on the offer and all the very best for the move…You are so right about having an encouraging partner who will make the decision making easier..We are in the US and I have been offered a very lucrative job offer in India and I was so confused and like in your case my husband made the decision for me We have stayed apart for short durations when we are away on official trips – but as long as I talk to him the 1st thing in the morning, sometime during the day and the last person I talk to before I hit the bed – I do good … (We have done this even we were in totally 2 time zones– Asia/Europe/US etc …..)I think the decision is the right one and we will do good in spite of being in 2 different continents, until the night comes and as I lie on his chest with his hands wrapped around me so close that I can feel his breath ..I start thinking – isn’t this what I want?Can any job no matter how lucrative it is suffice those moments…I don’t know ..I am confused and this is my present state of mind…I have a few more months before I make the decision In your case – can you fly every weekend and meet your hubby ?I don’t know how long a flight journey is between Delhi and Lucknow….- Anamika

  19. >Its been a long time D!Congrats on your new job! Remember, all those times I wrote abt my long distance relationship, you had these words for me, " Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It enflames the great and extinguishes the small"!You'll get through this. When you are doing what you love the most, it can give u the strength to endure staying apart from whom you love the most. Good luck!

  20. >@Sindhu: Thank you *Hug back*. We'll keep the faith.@Varsh: I just thought 'I have nothing to lose.' So let's give this a shot too!@JLT: Thank you. And now you know why I'm totally in love with The Guy :)@Soulmate: Thank you! I'm going to need all of you. And yeah, let me get there – this time I'm so going to meet everyone :)@Margarita: Thank you! It's already doing wonders to 'us' :D@J: Oh well, I don't whether what someone said is true or not, but I was itching for change for a good while now!Thank you for the wishes.

  21. >@Anamika: I, on the other hand, have never stayed away from The Guy for more than a few days at a stretch. Lucknow is about 50 minutes away from Delhi when I want to fly back home. And that's such a huge consolation! All the best to you. Whatever choice you make, I hope it makes you happy. @Jira: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I keep going to your blog to check on you but there's no news of you there! This whole long distance thing reminded me of you so much, I was at your blog even yesterday! And yes, I still have that quote in mind.@DIC: Oh, you're in Delhi too? Cool!@Goofy: Yes ma'am! Details will be furnished ASAP.

  22. >congratulations on great opportunity and taking the decision to pursue it! :)long distance relationships are never easy, but then when you are in as much love as Gut and you are, it should become easy! :)all the best!cheers!

  23. >DCongrats for the job and best wishes for the new beginning. But I so so hate situations like this where one got to select between to utmost important things. Been there done that. Been at other end and doing other options as well. 🙂

  24. >@Mama-mia: Easy or not, I'll discover only once I give it a shot! :)@The Survivor: Thank you.@BM: Really? Et tu? Well, like I said there's comfort in numbers – so many people having been there, done that. I'm not a lone ranger!

  25. >It is always difficult to when our heart wants two different things and pulls us in two different directions.You have to make a decision..and am glad you made this one. Sometimes making of a decision in itself sorts a lot of things..or at least puts all the important things in perspective.I know this is difficult for you..but you have a great support system, so I am sure things will work out for you. Go out do your thing, see where the signs lead to and happiness will follow closely.

  26. >I saw 3 things reading this post – a determined woman chasing her dreams,a very supportive man,but most of all D,the strength and confidence of the couple to stand united in the tests of time :DA biiiig touchwood to that :)Go girl, rock Delhi 🙂

  27. >@Titaxy: Thank you T.@comfortablynam: Honestly, if it were not for the support system, I wouldn't be able to stand tall like this!@celestialrays: Thank you for the wishes! I guess I'm just going to have to be a brave girl to live up to all my blogger friends' expectations 🙂

  28. >WHAT??? YOU KIDDING MEE??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN DELHI ALL ALONG!And I felt SO bad for you when you hinted earlier that you were moving because I thought you were LEAVING Delhi…YOU'RE SO LUCKY! Delhi's awesome! Heartless but glamorous 😛 Enjoy it for a while… and then go running back into the hubby's arms 🙂

  29. >Hey D! You get to re-live the courtship days and whatchu complaining about? :)Wishing you great success in the new job. Irrespective of whether it works out or not, you sure wont have regrets about the 'what-ifs'. You go girl!

  30. >I had no idea about this.i really admire you for your decision..its such a brave one :)In the first year of my marriage I have lived away from my hubby on and off. first it was the visa issue. and then he's into consulting which requires him to travel a whole lot.It's been very hard, for both of us.But then, nothing in life comes easy especially if its something you dream of. So go girl, you'll do just fine and we'll be so proud of u 🙂

  31. >@UsP: Like I said the last time, do you even READ my blog???@theprintlover: That's what we're hoping for – reliving the courtship days!@Sunakshi: Thank you!@dropzofjupiter: Now you're scaring me :(@Nisha: It's definitely more difficult in the first year than the sixth 😉

  32. >I've been reading you for while, but I guess I've always been too overwhelmed to comment. :)Here to say, this time you made me realise I too have one of the 'rare(endangered) kind'

  33. >I had been wondering why did I always end up getting impressed with your language, wisdom and wit. But now I know. :)If you're somewhat under 30, and especially, if you're "planning" only one kid, maybe, you need not worry about the biological clock-part.I certainly agree with and live by the idea of that no one makes mistakes; only realizes them.In the long term there is nothing to regret – you have to stay assured that every decision you take is framed by your real time assessment of your priorities, and is in accordance with your value system, and also realize that both can evolve/mutate over time. 🙂 As I hinted above, the ability to say, "I had made a decision, not a mistake; it just turned out to be a mistake", is vital to remaining objective about our abilities to judge various things, including circumstances – 'external' as well as 'internal'.Once you dive into your work, probably, your apprehensions will weaken.And lastly, very weirdly, irrespective of however much we say we want to live in the present, the fact remains that a part of us wants to live for that day, when will be at the "end of the road", look back, take a stock of what we did, what our lives had stood for, and either smile in satisfaction, or be faced with a rejection of the self, and in light of this, I again think, you've done the right thing. :)I can't claim to be a very regular reader of your blog posts, and with limited experience at life, and none at all at being a female, all I can say is congratulations and all the best!

  34. >*DArre yaar, I know you talk about small(er)-town life a lot, but I thought that was from childhood…And no, you don't keep rubbing your location in our faces all the time…And YES, I read every post (even if belated)But I'm a fast forget-ter…

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