>Let’s talk about S-E-X

>Because that’s what sells, apart from SRK, I’m told! And since not many of you appreciated my honesty in the last post, I’m going to woo you back with what sells.

Also because that’s what we were discussing with friends last night over coffee. What? You don’t talk about sex with your friends who’ve been married long enough to be able to laugh off all the howlers in bed, the sexcapades gone wrong, the foolish romantic ideas that books and films feed into your head and which go flying out of the window once you’ve opened your eyes to reality?! Well, we do: we laugh our hearts out talking about how juvenile we were to think that we could sleep in nothings all night, wrapped in pristine white sheets, spent after the ‘act’! It doesn’t happen like that. And though it may be totally alright to not wash up after sex, who DOESN’T wash up? I don’t know anyone. And you come back and slip back into bed wearing nothing at all? Even in the three degree celsius winter? Between white bedsheets or duvets? Unlikely!

And that image of silken arms wrapped around each other all night is also an unsustainable myth. It means sleeping in one posture all night – physically impossible. And very unhealthy too, says docs. More than one of us got into the nuptial bed thinking we’d spend this precious first ‘night’ in our lover’s arms only to wake up with our backs to them! Because we’re normal, we turn in our sleep, we’ve got hands and legs and necks that hurt if they aren’t allowed room to move.

And while it’s a good idea to move around a bit and try new places to do it, hard floors and concrete surfaces just don’t work. The Cosmos of the world and all those who write in to them, please do explain how the bathroom and the kitchen and the table top can be anything but oh-so-bloody-uncomfortable!

And I’m sorry Vatsyayan, I’m not Nadia Comaneci. I exercise but I’m still not a gymnast. Nobody told us when we were kids that we must maintain the suppleness of our body because it’s going to give us more pleasure than we know. So here we are, using the Kamasutra as a coffee table book!

Of course, there’s the over-rated first kiss (which certainly isn’t ‘sex’ but the latter is usually initiated with a kiss) – the awkward moment when you lock lips and don’t know how much to open your mouth, how much to wet your lips, how much tongue to involve! If you knew the answers to all those the first time you were kissing and had this earth-shattering experience, please ignore my ignorance. I was all of 17 then, you see.