>To be understood as to understand…

>It’s one of my favourite lines from one of my favourite hymns we used to sing in school. Makes so much sense, doesn’t it? Not right now to me, though. Where I am right now, I cannot understand anyone, anything. I don’t wish to. Because it’s so bloody taxing to just go on trying to understand everyone’s mistakes. Sometimes, I just want to call a spade a spade, just want to say, ‘I do not understand you.’ Because sometimes, I just want to be understood and I’m not. So I give up seeking to be understood. And I give up trying to understand as well.

Think about it, how hard do you try to rationalise your friends’ or family’s irrational behaviour by trying to ‘understand’ it? Why is it necessary to think from the other person’s point of view all the time? The other person might not even have a point of view that you’re trying to understand! You know what I mean?

What I mean is that when someone is so frustrated that they pass on their negativities on to you, there’s nothing to understand there. That person must be avoided. I mean that when a friend says something that irks you even if she didn’t mean you ill, it’s her business as well to understand why you’re irked as much as it is yours to understand her intentions. What I mean is that when a stupid pedestrian crosses the road just when the light turns green, I cannot attempt to understand why he has no civic sense. Really, what’s with us seeking to be understood and to understand ALL the time?

I know what you’re going to say – that if no one understands no one what will this world come to? You see, you’re asking me to understand something again. Hell, I want to be selfish for once! I want to say, ‘You try to understand me like I’ve been trying to understand this world all my life!’ Why is that such a horrible thing to ask for just once in your life? I promise, I’ve not lived my life like this and I promise I’m not going to live like this. But just for now, just for the time being, is it possible for you to try to understand me?

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32 responses »

  1. >hmm… i think it has more to it than wat u said.. for example, u 'understand' when you are patient with someone else, because you have also gone through that phase and gotten through it, and it is only right to expect someone else to… like, i couldn be wild at my kids if they treat me like shit wen theyr 17.. i HAVE to understand.. not as a punishment, just because i know we were all like that..and sometimes to understand is to not just about being 'civil', it is about not doing something that could cause irreparable harm'… and anyways, havent we all yearned to be 'understood'… as much as possible with us, let us accept that we all make the same mistakes, and accept that others too hav a right to do so!wooh… if u manage to see this comment, its a huge yaaay from me!

  2. >I believe its a matter of choice till when we understand and let other person the choice of understanding us. The choice is always ours, sometimes only forced by ourselves on us to prevent us from being an outlier in the civil society

  3. >@hitch writer: You do? Which means I understand you too! :)@Avaran: You're one understanding person, going by this comment. Just that you don't seemed to have understood my emotions!@Prats: You're right. Beyond a point, it's too much effort to understand and to seek to be understood.

  4. >Now you are asking for far too much.. D… Dont expect to be understood at all!! Thats not normal!!Try what I do… it works for me.. Most times.. I ignore.. not the person.. but the persons behaviour.. or something about the person that I like.. In return.. I reply… or do what I think is right… what my heart feels right… so I cant question my own behaviour coz I've done what I think is right.. and dont bother to rationalise the other persons attitude.. I dont care if you are negative or positive… but in return.. all I can give you is positivity.. Does that make sense ??? Take care!! Lifes too short to be bothered about all these things…. its too short to even do the right thing!

  5. >I think what you are saying is that you refuse to associate with anyone who is repeatedly negative with you despite your best efforts to turn the situation around. Nothing selfish about that. It's the only logical and sane thing to do, I'd say. More power to that, mate!

  6. >@Patricia: No Pat, it's not for all situations and for all people – just for the time being and with some people. And you're absolutely right – life's too short to bother about doing the right thing all the time!@Nu: Thank you :)@roopscoop: Bingo! Now, that's what I like about you 🙂

  7. >What completely puts me off is when they say 'You are a woman. You must understand, be patient and not lose it'. I mean, WTF? And for once if you put your foot down and say 'I dont want to understand', you are risked being called selfish… Don't worry, I say, you don't have to understand all the time!

  8. >I think life become simpler by just being yourself… Dont complicate it by looking at others point of view. 🙂 Atleast my brain is not capable of thinking so much 🙂

  9. >I have said this often too. There is some kind of behaviour we should not even try to understand. And it's perfectly fine to expect to be understood. What seems to happen is those who understand are left understanding lifelong and those who expect to be understood get all their wrongs happily 'understood'. Not fair.

  10. >@celestialrays: Oh yes! Gender makes matters more complicated :/@Bindhu: It isn't always possible to not look at another person's PoV. But if that person is irrelevant, it's okay to ignore a bit, I guess.@IHM: True… I agree.

  11. >Most of the folks spend their lives expecting everyone else to understand and hence the very few who are on the other side get through phases like the one you described. And some times we (I am counting myself as one who tries to understand others most of the times) all don't wannna give a damn and be like the rest.

  12. >i understand… but they wont..:( i swear.. noone does ..lol… But its good to see there's someone else apart from me..who does not understand…and is never understood..i hope u understood.

  13. >@Deepesh: I get that though it was a tad complicated.@Aditi: I don't even care if they don't understand me. It's still alright.@Dido: I did :)@Soulmate: Oh well, if you can't understand this, please just ignore.

  14. >:) Thanks, you just made me sing the whole song – Make me a channel of your peace, to make sure I have the right song. As for your post, I nodded all the way. I understand! {hugs} We all go through this sometime, dont we? I do!

  15. >Yes, of course. You have every right to feel the way you feel and NOT make any attempts to understand. Happens to each one of us at some point of time.But, the one question I have – What if the person/freind ..falls into my 'hate' category just because of this one incident where I thought I don't want to understand? What if, your heart just accepts it that way ? What if you loose a precious person because of the bitterness that built up inside you? What if..?

  16. >@Pointblank: And I thought I was alone in this…@Dil se: Exactly!@Revs: Yes, yes! That's the one. I had forgotten the rest of the lines. Thanks for reminding me.

  17. >Hi,First time here on your blog. Yes I do understand the need to be understood, to have someone speak for your choices and actions in a positive way.But one can't ask to be understood you know. One can just pray that the other person is understanding! 🙂

  18. >@alwayshappykya & snippetsnscribbles: Well, if it's an important person in my life, he or she would hopefully know what I'm going through and why. And see this as a passing phase.@soulsafar: Makes so much sense!

  19. >There are times, I have learnt that whom we're trying to reach out is the one who moves further away. Its not that they are unable to understand us, its us who have failed to understand them and this hurts because we have made such a huge effort to understand them & be a part of their life and they did not open their heart out to us, not completely anyway.I guess, rather than expecting others to understand, I continue to be myself and stop justifying to all and sundry.. I'd rather show my loyalty and understanding to the one person who cares, ME 🙂

  20. >As with most things in life, nothing is a one-way street. To truly understand, we must also be understood. Otherwise, we'll all revert to being selfish.What I'm trying to say is, I think I understand what you're saying. :-)Cheers,Quirky Indian

  21. >@Dee: It's important to be understood by people who matter and that definitely includes us!@Manish Raj: Yessir!@Quirky Indian: I love that so many people seem to be finally understanding me! :)@my space: LOL! This was an absolutely shaant post, written with great calm. So no worries!@UTP: No, he's just standing under the table. I do not like wrong grammatical mistakes. :/

  22. >It's hard to understand other people sometimes, but it's even harder to be understood. Maybe it's better to do the less hard one which is the former. You can't control other persons way of thinking, on the other hand, only you, yourself have the control of the way your mind thinks. So if you can manage to just understand them, I think it may not the right thing, perhaps it's the best thing to do to avoid any issue that will lead to a major complications.Moreover, the more you push the issue of being understood by others seems to make it more obscure, the more they will see you as the fault maker. The more they will think you as selfish. The more you'll find yourself as the worst person on earth.Maybe i just get tired of being accused of this negativity. For me it's less harder to just understand and pray for them. After all, God knows your heart. He understands you more than you can imagine. 🙂

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