I’m writing to you because I want me to continue believing in you like I used to. I know I don’t think you’re the same person you used to be but I think I’m being so selfish for believing in you when the going was good and for losing my faith when the going isn’t so great.
Dear God, I would like you to know that somewhere deep down I still believe you will set everything right for me because I know it’s beyond me now. And though I do not remember you as often as I should, I hope you still remember me. I am troubled that thoughts of you don’t come easily to me these days and I wish you would change that at least. If I can’t have anything else, can I have you at least by my side?
Several times in a day, a prayer begins to form at my lips but I never send it to you because I feel cheap asking for anything other than what you’ve already given me. You do know what’s best for me, don’t you? I hope it’s just me right now who can’t see it. I hope there’s a good reason why you’re doing this with me.
I cry a lot these days because I’m weak and vulnerable from everything that’s happening around me over which I have no apparent control but which affects me in the biggest way possible. But please forgive me for those tears. They are not tears of ingratitude though they may be tears of sorrow.
Help me forget the pain, please. And help me forgive. Because I’m tired of the weight that I carry with me. I feel I am drifting away from the people I love because I’m so bitter inside. Don’t take those people away from me and blame it on me, God; don’t blame me for being bitter.
I see the world around me changing. And I feel like a bystander with no part to play in it. Give me a part, God, in my own life.