>Conversations with God

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Dear God,

I’m writing to you because I want me to continue believing in you like I used to. I know I don’t think you’re the same person you used to be but I think I’m being so selfish for believing in you when the going was good and for losing my faith when the going isn’t so great.

Dear God, I would like you to know that somewhere deep down I still believe you will set everything right for me because I know it’s beyond me now. And though I do not remember you as often as I should, I hope you still remember me. I am troubled that thoughts of you don’t come easily to me these days and I wish you would change that at least. If I can’t have anything else, can I have you at least by my side?

Several times in a day, a prayer begins to form at my lips but I never send it to you because I feel cheap asking for anything other than what you’ve already given me. You do know what’s best for me, don’t you? I hope it’s just me right now who can’t see it. I hope there’s a good reason why you’re doing this with me.

I cry a lot these days because I’m weak and vulnerable from everything that’s happening around me over which I have no apparent control but which affects me in the biggest way possible. But please forgive me for those tears. They are not tears of ingratitude though they may be tears of sorrow.

Help me forget the pain, please. And help me forgive. Because I’m tired of the weight that I carry with me. I feel I am drifting away from the people I love because I’m so bitter inside. Don’t take those people away from me and blame it on me, God; don’t blame me for being bitter.

I see the world around me changing. And I feel like a bystander with no part to play in it. Give me a part, God, in my own life.

Love you,
D

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42 responses »

  1. >awwwwwwwww… hugs D, big tight hugs. I hope you realise you are in rarity, because you think of God when you are happy, very few do, most remember him in times of need, and forget to thank him in happiness. Always remember 'This Too Shall Pass'. It may take a while but eventually it will. Till then chin up, girl chin up!!

  2. >@Double Inverted Commas & Sandhya: I know, but sometimes you just can't feel he's around. @Haddock: What was?@Dee: I hope so too :(@Quirky Indian: It doesn't seem improbable, it just seems too distant!@Monika, Ansh: Thank you!@DewdropDream: You know what, just writingthis letter to God has revived my hope.@Goofy: Yeah, I always knew I was ulta-pulta!

  3. >maybe it's times of sadness when we really should question presence of this god-like-thing. does it really? if it did, we wouldn't really be suffering, would we? and nah, don't justify suffering as a part of God's plan. it's just a part of life to suffer, not a part of any God's plan. whether we believe in god or not, all of us go through rough times with equal probability. some now, some later. probability of me suffering a knee injury is the same as my neighbor who is as physically active as me. god has nothing to do with it. although yeh, god does come in handy when we feel alone in our sadness and we want to feel like someone who cares for us unconditionally is looking over us and will forgive all our mistakes without conditions. it's only human to feel so. we are too weak and small an entity to not want to be protected by someone bigger and better than us. for that, we create a god in our mind. humans always have and will continue to do so.but if that feeling of an invisible friend looking over you gives you comfort and solace, i hope that 'God' always remains in your life. 🙂 take care, D. god or no god, we are all here to not let you give up!! :)to occupy yerself when you feel your brain wandering down roads you don't want it to go down, try exploring this:http://www.whydoesgodhateamputees.com/

  4. >awwwww, D…… what can it be that's causing you this much hurt? 😦 Hang on in there, and yeah, God never holds grudges- you remember that story in which a guy asks God to be with him alaways and God agrees and the guy always hears two footsteps/sees two footprints, but when going thru a particularly rough patch, he hears/sees only one pair of footsteps. He asks God God why He ditched, when God said that he would never ditch- the single pair of footsteps was His cos He was carrying the guy then…Hang on in there, girl…

  5. >D, I don't know what it is that bothers you so much these days, but I know it must be important. I hope all is well with you soon. This was a very poignant piece.

  6. >first hugs D… second whats bothering u these days, ur posts have a underlying sadness which was never to be seen beforei hope all is well hugs and do keep believing in ur god

  7. >Your post was disturbing and touching. As a lawyer, I see and meet a lot of people who hold grief inside themselves. The one thing that I feel can make a positive impact is clear communication, whether it is a person whom you are having difficulties with or God.You said that you cry a lot but why don't you talk about what is worrying you and weighing you down. Identify those grey areas instead of feeling victimized. Ask God for courage to help you reach the right decision and confront the issues that are worrying you and sapping your self esteem.I am not an expert on God but I think God would want you to take charge of your life and not beg for a part in your own life. You are already playing the most important part by being you. So, don't let the part be weak. Wake up, grow into your role and deliver your lines with total clarity, confidence and awareness.I wish you all the best.

  8. >@hitch writer: God does come to my rescue usually. Never need to challenge him.@celestialrayz: Thank you!@SMM: Am already feeling better :)@Smita: Thanks Smita, some days are worse than others. But life's not all bad.@roopscoop: I really am in no mood to discuss about why God exists for me and doesn't for you, but thank you for your support!@Monika: I know what you're saying and I can't deny it. I am in a yo-yo mood phase because there are so many things which are bothering me right now.

  9. >@Sindhu: Thank you, I feel better already :)@Just Like That: That's a nice story for me to remember at this point in time!@my space: Actually, loss of faith is what I fear the most because then there is nothing left to hold on to.@comfortablynam: Thank you! That means a lot to me.

  10. >D, dont lose hope. Thats what I tell myself and everyone around when things are do not seem to move in the direction. There is a light at the end of the tunnel… Just wait for some more time.. The patience will pay off.. Take Care.. Come to Gurgaon. We will party.. New year is round the corner..

  11. >@Soulmate: Thank you for that offer! I may just take it up ;)@Nu: I already feel it may be on its way out.@Vickey: Oh, I didn't need a postman; it was an email :)@Neeraj: Thank you.

  12. >No matter what, don't give up hope on him D..he is there all along.And, that is one thought that keeps you going in tough times.Your words are so humble and hearty,they are definitely being heard.Tight {{Hugs}} and a little prayer for your sake..You will sail through and emerge stronger.

  13. >What should I say… I can relate to you. I hope it will help to know that you are not the only one going through a difficult patch in life. Do not lose hope. We got to deal with life with a lot of spirit, patience and a smile on our face.

  14. >@alwayshappykya: Thank you!@Mamta Sharma: Et tu? Oh well, then let me say this again – this too shall pass, Mamta, and we won't even remember it (hopefully!)

  15. >All I know is the more negative you think, the worse it becomes. So, keep the faith going D! And yeah, bad times are a sure sign that happy times are soon to come, so gear up for that 🙂

  16. >@peenuts: Amen!@IHM: Thank you. But time isn't easy to bide when fortune isn't favouring you.@Nisha: That's a good thought. I'm waiting for happier times for sure!

  17. >D,I share the same phase with you, and truly believe that its only time that can heal things with prayers which will keep you optimistic and motivated.All the best and this will soon pass. As they say, Nothing is permanent not even your worries!!

  18. >@manishapatnaik: True.@J: Yeah, on most days they are.@Ramby: And let me ask you two questions: Why do you want to know? And do you REALLY want to know?@Manish: Thank you!

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