>Where am I?

>I’m in limbo. I seem to be moving on but haven’t left the past entirely. I seem to be at the crossroad of things, not choosing a turn but letting the road wind itself onto a new path. I feel I’m on the brink of change but I don’t know for sure. I don’t even know if the change will be for better or for worse, but this does feel like a lull before the storm.

I’m in the thick of things. I work and I pretend to work and then I look for more work. I get worked up. I write – for myself, for friends, for a newspaper, for money, for free. I click. I party. I entertain. I worry. I laugh. I cry. And it seems to me like I do nothing at all.

I do nothing at all. I wake up late, I sleep late. I google, I Facebook, I tweet, I blog. And it fills up my days and parts of the night. And I know it all amounts to nothing at all.

I’m aimless. I’m clueless. I have no idea where I’m heading. I don’t even know if I’m moving forward at all. Time might just as well have stopped. And yet it’s September already!

I’m at a place where I create new opportunities for myself every day: possibilities that don’t become reality. I plan, I imagine, I dream. And I try to set the ball rolling. It doesn’t seem to budge but in my head, I’ve set it rolling. And it makes me happy.

I’m at a juncture where I feel happy yet discontented. How can that be, you ask. I feel happy for what I have, where I am and discontented for where I could be, what I should have. I fill my life with good things and wait for the best to happen.

The fortune cookie says, “Some pursue happiness; you create it.” And I believe it.

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33 responses »

  1. >you are one lucky chica!enjoy this phase while it lasts.i'm at the opposite end of the spectrum. Dont know where the 24 hours of the day vanish. office. home. kid. not a minute for myself. to put my feet up.i soooo sooo long to do what you've described as your typical day. any chance you'd care to swap? 😉

  2. >@hitch writer: Sometimes, you don't need to create happiness; it's just there. It's when it's not obviously there that you need to create it!@Kaavya: :)@happyfeetnme: Being busy is a nice thing. Enjoy it!

  3. >This reminded me of a mobile phone ad that features Priyanks Chopra, only the wordings are better here. :)Loved the last line . It sums it all up :)I sometimes too feel aimless……it's like there is so much of routine in life & I want to just break-free.

  4. >I can relate to everything you said. Sometimes, I think I am stuck in a major rut… And just like you said, I am off trying to create my own version of happiness… I bet it will be way more satisfying than waiting to let things happen 🙂

  5. >Interesting post. I am also at crossroads in my life – part of it is personal while another part is professional. I am happy where I am yet i feel like I have been running long enough to stay at the same place. Does that make sense? I feel like that Queen from Alice in Wonderland (or was it alice hrough the Looking Glass) who was also running to stay in the same place and Alice aks her if it is worth it? I wonder if I have the courage as of now to take the next step. I am also still wondering, still figuring out stuff while runnign to stay int he same place

  6. >Life is a full circle.. Sometimes it does seem that you have everything, but the very next moment, it feels that you have nothing. It happens to everyone. So chill D.. Enjoy.. Party and be happy.. Make merry..

  7. >Loved this post of yours. I think it echoes the feelings of so many of us here."I feel happy yet discontented" this is so true !! Each one of us have a different definition and perception of happiness and content.But as long as you are clear on those definitions, that's all that matters.

  8. >omg me too me tooooo!!!!!! i bet many of us can relate to this post. exactly why so many of us like reading you. u knkow how to bring out the emotions that most of us feel and put them down so eloquently. 🙂

  9. >"“Some pursue happiness; you create it."So true.Sometimes we don't know what we really want and feel sadness over nothing. When one is content and have everything, that too makes life boring because then there is nothing to look forward to.

  10. >like hitchy says, i too like the idea of creating happiness…..we can't expect everything being handed to us. there is no free lunches and we have to create joy in what we have.i love the way you're written this. I read it the moment you publish it on twitter but since i was on the road i could not comment. I read it again just now and the same thought crossed my mind. beautiful.

  11. >@Monika, Ansh: I watch too little TV – what ad is that?And yes, it's the mundane routines that make life seem so meaningless. We need to do something more to give it direction.@Charmed One: Strange how we all feel so similarly?@Ditty: It's weird how I feel like I am stuck in a rut at the same time as I feel inspired!@hitch writer: :)@Meghana Naidu: 🙂

  12. >@SMM: I know what you mean Supriya. Yes, that's exactly where I am.@Soulmate: Oh, the partying never stops, come what may! :)@Anamika & Dil Se: And I thought this was such a peculiar set of emotions!@Roop: Thank you! That's one of the nicest compliments I've received as a writer and blogger :)@Solilo: I may still want to be contented and decide then if contentment is boring.@A: Thank you. Yes, there are no free lunches but sometimes I feel I could eat some more 🙂

  13. >ah yes! a phase where we question, is THIS really all there is is to IT? we are sure neither of THIS and the final IT mostly.introspection doesnt come easily to everyone either! i know it doesnt to me. you seem to be good at it tho! :)cheers!abha

  14. >@Monika,Ansh: Thank you for the link.@Abha: Introspective? I never thought of myself that way!@Ashutosh: :)I do enjoy this. Just as I enjoyed a busier time of my life.

  15. >@Rita: 🙂 Just yesterday I read somewhere that you don't chance upon happiness, you have to find it. @Childwoman: This is not my comfort zone. I think I'm getting comfortable in my discomfort zone!

  16. >@Vikas Chandra: I have a faint idea of what you mean but I think I have to say thank you here 🙂 Thank you!@IHM: 🙂 I agree.@Sangfroid: What's that? :S

  17. >a long time ago i had written a post – a one liner which said, wary of change, yet weary of status quo. this brought that to mind – the state of suspended animation. the state of waiting. but i think the last line sums it all –

  18. >@Cynic in Wonderland: That line says it all!@J: Maybe! Like I said, perhaps the lull before the storm… who knows?@IHM: 🙂 Right here! Back from a blogger's block!

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