>I’m in limbo. I seem to be moving on but haven’t left the past entirely. I seem to be at the crossroad of things, not choosing a turn but letting the road wind itself onto a new path. I feel I’m on the brink of change but I don’t know for sure. I don’t even know if the change will be for better or for worse, but this does feel like a lull before the storm.
I’m in the thick of things. I work and I pretend to work and then I look for more work. I get worked up. I write – for myself, for friends, for a newspaper, for money, for free. I click. I party. I entertain. I worry. I laugh. I cry. And it seems to me like I do nothing at all.
I do nothing at all. I wake up late, I sleep late. I google, I Facebook, I tweet, I blog. And it fills up my days and parts of the night. And I know it all amounts to nothing at all.
I’m aimless. I’m clueless. I have no idea where I’m heading. I don’t even know if I’m moving forward at all. Time might just as well have stopped. And yet it’s September already!
I’m at a place where I create new opportunities for myself every day: possibilities that don’t become reality. I plan, I imagine, I dream. And I try to set the ball rolling. It doesn’t seem to budge but in my head, I’ve set it rolling. And it makes me happy.
I’m at a juncture where I feel happy yet discontented. How can that be, you ask. I feel happy for what I have, where I am and discontented for where I could be, what I should have. I fill my life with good things and wait for the best to happen.
The fortune cookie says, “Some pursue happiness; you create it.” And I believe it.