>Me vs blogger me


If a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, would a blogger by any other name write any differently? Perhaps not. But perhaps, a blogger who writes anonymously would write a whole lot differently. I’ve been in the blogosphere for a couple of years now and been around enough to know how different people are at different levels of comfort making public their real identities: some will safeguard it will all their might, others will make no effort to be known in the virtual world as they are known in the real.

Most people who read my blog know me as D and most others who know my name have chanced upon it by accident. I don’t think I’m any different if you know me by one name or another. So why am I at pains to remain D for the blog world?

I mulled over this question for weeks and months and finally came up with a coherent answer: I just don’t want any more relationships. I like meeting people, I like to make friends but I can’t labour to do either. If I meet people, good. If I make friends along the way, good. If I don’t, still good. Is that hard to understand?

In the real world that I inhabit, I have plenty of friends and plenty of family members around me. There are relationships I cannot sever even if I wanted to and there are relationships I do not want to sever, ever. Then there are people I meet at work, because of work, through work: colleagues, business associates, ex-colleagues… some people I can’t wish away and some people I do not want to wish away. Between all of those, where is the will to forge new relationships?

I spend a lot of time on the internet but I’m not here to be tied down by a new set of strings. When a regular blogger is away for a considerable amount of time, I do wonder if everything is alright with her. When a blogger goes on a vacation, goes on a new diet program, tries out a new dish, talks about her babies, I’m interested. I feel for bloggers I read. But I cannot go beyond that.

I have never tried actively to meet a blogger even though I haven’t tried to resist it actively either. But I’m conscious of the fact that once I meet someone, I’m committing to go beyond the blogosphere relationship. And once I do that, I will not step back. But am I ready for it? Am I ready to take on another relationship and everything else that comes with it? What if I do not like the person I meet or the person doesn’t like me? That’s going to affect our virtual relationship as well, isn’t it?

I hear all the time of bloggers finding some of their best friends in blogosphere. Perhaps, by resisting new ties, I’m resisting friendships that could be. But any relationship is about give and take – of emotions, times, energy. I have nothing to give just now that I already ain’t giving enough of to people around me.

Some people are great at managing a zillion relationships and managing them well. I’m not one of them. I have to labour at every one of them. And it hurts when a relationship goes wrong. I don’t want that hurt. Is there something wrong with that?


39 responses »

  1. >Like you said, each to his or her own. I consider online relationships at par with the real life ones, but then, I never try to hide my identity online or change it either

  2. >There is nothing wrong with this, its better not to get into something that you would not be able to or do not want to do, from your heart…Blogging does give this opportunity to share and yet hold back something.. I think its quite possible with even real identities.. But yes, when u write with ur real name you do think once about how your posts will be perceived and that affects the writing..

  3. >Well, its the way you think.But aren't you expecting too much out of blogging? You're worried about relationships, that might or might not go wrong. We needn't get close to every blogger who shows interest in us (and if I had to really want to become a close friend, I wouldn't care whether or not you want to display your identity on your blog)Isn't the virtual world just like the real world, except that I can't see you? I can still read only what you want me to. :)Well, to each his own 🙂

  4. >I admire people if they could write beyond their selves… nothing of them coming into their blogs (those unknown ones)…difficult…Blogsphere is an orkut or a facebook with a difference… Ash

  5. >@Ritu: If you make relations, they should not be unequal and therefore it's nice that you treat online friends at par with those in real life.@mindspace: You echo my opinions.@Meira: On the contrary, I'm not expecting much from blogging at all! It wouldn't make a difference to me either whether I know someone's name or not if I find what that person writes interesting. And I guess that's how it is with most people. However, when you go beyond that first level of interaction, the first question that comes up is 'what's your name?' It may make a difference to some people thereafter.@Pins N Ashes: I think my blog is every bit about me even though I may not disclose my name here.

  6. >we all have started blogging for common reason… we share our thoughts.. some like to do it anonymously ..make friends here, who exist only in the blogosphere.. so according to me nothing is wrong with that… you really dont need to know a persons name and face to know them well. just their thoughts and words are enough at times…

  7. >Well errrr… I seriously considered legally changing my name to DewdropDream … for about five minutes at least :DI know what you mean though … I feel the same way. I have made new friends because of blogging but far be it from me to actively seek people out and pursue relationships. That would defeat the purpose of being a nameless, faceless entity with opinions.

  8. >I agree to what Ritu says… each to his own.. I get weary when i see people hiding their identity.. and kinda feel odd that I have not really hid my identity… m i the fool or what ?? I did meet one blogger.. and she is one of my closest and nearest buddies… !!!

  9. >To each his own. I started blogging with my real name, because I never even thought that I would end up meeting so many bloggers online.. And at the end of the day, when I read someone, their writing, their ideas are much more important to me , than their identities are.. I think it all depends on each person, how one wants to blog.. one's comfort level. As you say some people manage a zillion relationships perfectly – some don't – and that is just how it is.. nothing about being right or wrong..

  10. >@Charmed Ones: I agree.@DewdropDream: I'm so glad you said you know what I mean… Because I doubted anyone would understand what I mean here!@hitchwriter: There's more to an identity than a name. I put a lot of me on my blog – none of it is pretentious or fake. I talk freely of my thoughts and opinions, my likes and dislikes and aspects of my life which do not compromise the right to privacy of people in my life. How do you define identity?And no, you are not a fool. Hopefully, neither am I You're just you and I'm me!

  11. >Hello D… I havent come here for a while.. and things look different. I like the new look.. althought apart from the header change I cannot identify anything else…And whoever you are… A, B, C or D… I dont think it really matters… the person inside just does not change!

  12. >I hear you on this. The older I get, the more resistant I am to seeking new relationships.Perhaps it's because we have so little time to manage the getting to know period & everything that comes with it. So, I don't think anything's wrong with that. Like a fellow commenter said, to each his own 🙂

  13. >It is best to stay away from something that may end up hurting you or someone else. It is very wise of you to understand that and act accordingly instead of rushing into relationships that end up causing pain and hurt. And there is no universal rule about friendships, to we have to do what suits us personally, and what we consider to be the right thing. And unlike most others, including me, it is commendable that you have put in so much thought into this, rather than rush in like a fool and create issues for yourself.

  14. >@Smitha: I started blogging with my real name too but changed to D thereafter, which also happens to be the nick my friends use for me.And I totally agree with you, nothing about it is either right or wrong.@Patricia: It is just the header 🙂 And for me D is not as random as A, B, C, as it may seem; it's the name my friends address me with. But I get what you're saying.@KoshyMostafas: Finally, someone who understands that! I'm with you on every word there.@Goofy: I've usually done that – rushed into things impulsively. But I think it's time I stood back instead of getting into relationships head on.

  15. >I lost a long comment I had written .. this is an interesting blogpost…! Anyway I don't think there is anything wrong with it 🙂 Also depends on why we blog… I blog because I really believe in my causes. And I like to write about them… name doesn't matter, but I have made amazing friends in the blogosphere as IHM 🙂

  16. >Blogs are funny things. But most importantly, it's your space. You do what yo like. It's that simple, isn't it? You do your thing D. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

  17. >i ask this to everyone who keeps themselves anon, do u really think its anon and to whom to us the people u have found online as u said wont matter that u are D or someone and then people that it will matter most of them will come to know abt it anyways (unless u are extremely good at keeping secrets 😉 )specially when u say "I started blogging with my real name too but changed to D thereafter, which also happens to be the nick my friends use for me." but the reason u gave in this post for keeping it D is interesting… PS: is it me having dejavu or u think we have had a similar conversation before specially the first para of this comment????

  18. >Somehow I know you had made those mistakes and learnt from them. I have made them too(I am not repeating about our similarities again), and learnt from them, but even now sometimes, I end up treading the same path…..get hurt, move on, its crazy. And hence i know your decision is right, and smart. Just stick to it, don't bite more than you can chew.

  19. >हर तरफ, हर जगह, बेशुमार आदमी…i agree with u on that one D. With every relation comes zillion responsibilities and it is kind of hectic given the kind of jobs we do… anyway if given a chance, i am sure, most of us would like to go away, break free from the people around them… for a moment "Far from the maddening crowd". What say?

  20. >That's an interesting post. To each his wn is what I say, I stated off as an anonymous blogger which is reflected in my blog name – anony-musing_me (derived from 'Anonymous' and 'Musing') and 'Anonymuse' as also my 'nom-de-plume' for quite sometime. But I relaized that I was finding it tough to hide my real self. Some of my friends who had read m blog also knew i was e so I ultimately decided to come out in the open and now 'SMM' are my initials with which I blog

  21. >For me I connect with some just like I do in real life and then become really good friends. Then there are others with whom I am on good terms on blogs but not too comfortable to meet in real life. The close friends from virtual life know my real name and closest ones have seen my real picture too. It takes some time to trust and once you have that, you know you are not wrong because you get the right vibe. Everyone is different. 🙂

  22. >@IHM: You're right – it is about why we blog. I blog because I like to write. Period.@Rose: 🙂 Yeah! I don't think there's anything wrong with it either.@Monika: I think my anonymity (or whatever degree of it is possible) also helps keep the people in my life anonymous. They have not chosen to be on the blog, so why must I put them here? They are here only in the capacity of my husband, parents, siblings, etc. Also, once people think they know who you are and where you come from, they are not reading what you are writing but what they think someone like you would write, if you know what I mean… There's an unconscious judging that begins almost immediately. And there's enough muck even in the virtual world to avoid getting into it.@Goofy: Well, better late than never.@With Malice: Relationships and interactions can be taxing beyond a point. So yes, I am looking for a place that is far from the madding crowds!@SMM: Perhaps, it's about the kind of person one is. Probably, I need more privacy than you… I don't know!

  23. >As usual I agree with the Koshymostafas. Its difficult to build new friendships when we get older, but other than that..its okay, it the person's choice. D, We like you blog, so thats we look for, good writing. If some people expect more, than its thier problem to deal with.And btw..*rolling up her sleeves* is someone bothering you???childowman~

  24. >hey D,good post :)Well, I think a little differently. I never started the blog seeking friends or to form new relationships. I have enough and more in real life!But whenever there is interaction of any sort between humans, relationships are bound to happen. Some can actually become close enough to spill over in real life , some will remain acquaintances, some we'll never know beond their psuedonym.But for me, openness is really important. I am a friendly person and like to meet and get to know diff people. Not everone becomes a best friend….but I cannot be thankful enough for what I did receive due to my blog. The best friend, who I consider my soul twin, came through the blog. Sometimes, we don't know what we were missing until it arrives!

  25. >@Mottled mosaic: LOL! Totally so. And thank God for that :)@Solilo: Very valid point – trust.@Childwoman: 🙂 No, no one is troubling me. Have had a few blogger friends ask me about the woman behind D and I hated having to say no, though not in so many words. Some people understand, others don't. And I had begun to question myself on it. So this is just a thinking-aloud post.@Chandni: I know what you're talking about. I wish I were as naturally open as you are. But like I said, while I do not actively try to meet bloggers, I have never actively tried to resist it either. If it happens, I'll be happy 🙂

  26. >good thing we didnt meet eh, D?! :psomehow my outlook towards life is far too simple. hence when i started blogging it didnt touch my mind that i should blog anon! and my thumbrule is very simple – if you dont want something found dont put it online. so if you have a grouse that you dontw ant the person to know about an anon post is really no good. someday it will be found out!apart from that i completely respect anyone who chooses to maintain the anonymity! its completely an individual call, me thinks!cheers!abha

  27. >Completely understand what you`re saying here. I have personal correspondence with 3 blogger friends because I feel comfortable around them. I am aware of a few other bloggers, through their friends lists on social networking sites. But I have not gone out of my way to contact them,even though I love to read their blogs.. Not here on a virtual platform. NOt in real life. I dont think there`s anything wrong with that. Its just the way I am. Same for you too I suppose. So really, there`s nothing wrong in that,D.

  28. >There's nothing wrong with being your own true self, but with me, I draw the line at sharing personal stuff with some nosy/disagreeable relatives. I'm ok sharing cribs and peeves and worries with perfect strangers, but not with them!And I know what you say about not making new relationships. Its hard enough to make time for existing relationships in this mad crazy world! But having said that, I also have to say that there are the most amazing connects you have with some in blogdom- way more than what you have with some current realtime friends :-)And – I prefer your earlier header. This one is too tech…

  29. >@Abha: I don't think so. Like I said, I don't try actively to meet a blogger but I don't try to resist it either. Had you called me while you were here, I would have definitely met up.The thing is that while I have my reservations about making new relationships, I do not want to shut myself out of new possibilities. And no, I have no grouse about putting up an anon post that people found about. Did you infer that from what I said? Because I didn't mean that even once. I have no grouse. If people want to be friends with me, I don't hold it against them!Also, if someone does find about me, it's quite okay. I'm not a secret service agent. But I'm just not comfortable wearing my name tag all the time.Phew! That was not just to Abha, but to everyone else who may have misunderstood :)@Piper: Exactly! Thank you for the reassurance.@JLT: Me too, me too! I could share stuff with strangers that I cannot with judgemental people around me.And the header – it's the sun in the sky and that's techno?! But thanks for the feedback! Will keep it in mind 🙂 I already have another header up my sleeve!

  30. >LOLOLOL! Its me! I read too much into your header. Thought it was something like a receptacle for various thoughts …. like an antenna….a tv tower? And the sun to me was all those thought waves… a nice image, but a little less on the emotions…:-D never saw the sun!!:-D

  31. >@ani_aset: I have it abundance!@Monika, Ansh: Yes, that's how it should be.@JLT: LOL! I wish I could have a picture composition with so many complicated thoughts in my head 😀

  32. >Hi D,Blogging helps me expressing and to that extent it's okay. When I expect people to rate me how well I express I try something more than writing, say going to others' blog and read them. I leave my comments there, not monosyllables but texts that are appropriate to the context, but not all of them return visits. I don't hold that against them. It's but natural that those who like my writings may or may not like me and vice versa is true.I've seen blogs attracting many visitors, but not all of them interests me. Once I read a mischievous phrase at myspace, "Friend-whoring". I smiled at it and understood how things move. Still…Content is the king!!I'm one with you when you say you don't want to maintain more friends than you can. That speaks of your commitment. Better you continue as "D" and by remaining as such you can still write a lot of endearing stuff.ThanksNandahttp://ramblingnanda.blogspot.com

  33. >To each his own. A blog is, by definition, an online journal meant to be read. Does not matter if the author writes under a pseudo name and would like to remain concealed 🙂

  34. >hear hear, D! same here. i am not here to make friends. jo aayega so sahi. nahi aayega so sahi. but i certainly don't have the energy for persisting with online relationships either unless they get translated into real-life relationships through meeting in person or phone or whateva goes into it … which rarely happens if the 'online' relationships dont even materialize. as for identity, i don't see how i would be any different if i didn't share my name. neither me nor my writing would be any different. so i never bothered hiding my name or face.

  35. >@A_N_Nanda: Yes, there are people who indulge in friend-whoring but there are also people to whom it comes naturally – making friends wherever they go. I don't belong to either of those categories.@Sangfroid: It doesn't matter to me too.@Roop: It worked with me the other way round – I stop bothering to reveal my name and face.

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