>Valentine’s Day (apart from the Pink Chaddis)

>How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day with a person whom you’ve spent the last 11 years with, like The Guy and I have?

We’ve shared friendship cards on Valentine’s Day when we hadn’t confessed our love for each other (perhaps, when we didn’t know we were in love).

When we definitely were in love and couldn’t hide it from each other, we went all out to make it a special day for ourselves and for each other. We did what seems like silly stuff now: waited in a long queue to have a heart-shaped pizza and get an instant picture clicked of it. Somewhere, that picture still lies with us. I would rack my brains much in advance to think what I would wear on Val Day when I met my boyfriend so that he’d think I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He would fabricate lies at home to come and meet me in Delhi. We bought each other plenty of chocolates, plenty more roses and still plenty more of cards for each other saying in verse what we couldn’t then in words. We wrapped our gifts in paper covered with a zillion red hearts. We said ‘I love you’ more times than we could count. And I don’t regret any of it – even the stuff that appears juvenile and cheap and immature now.

On our first Valentine’s after we married, I lit up our bedroom with as many candles as I could and waited for The Guy to discover me in my lacy pink things. We’d been married for two months then and I felt excited at last to be spending not just Valentine’s Day but also the night with the man I loved. He bought me a cute stuffed toy for the third time in our lives, and for the third time over I thought it was cute.

After some time we graduated to buying each other gifts that weren’t just pretty things but could actually be used. We graduated to more sophisticated eating places than a pizza joint, places where there would be candlelight and dinner and wine and just the two of us. I still took pains to dress up, not just for the dinner but also for after-dinner.

And then we grew up a little more and planned dinners together with close friends so that instead of just the two of us there would be just the four of us. Some time later, it became just the six or eight or ten of us – the more, the merrier. I hate this kind of growing up but I went with the game plan because I knew The Guy liked it like that. I knew he liked us to have fun with friends and I went along with it. Love had become a different thing for him. It wasn’t something he needed to talk of over candlelight dinners. He didn’t need to seek me out alone to express his love to me. He didn’t need to say it with gifts. He didn’t need the lace, the music, the romance on Valentine’s Day. His love had changed while I was still holding on to my old-fashioned ideas of red roses, slow dances and soft lights.

I will be celebrating this Valentine’s Day with a bunch of friends – all of whom I love a lot and have lots of fun with. But even so many years after we celebrated our first Valentine’s Day, I want to be alone with the man I love because the years haven’t changed my love. I’m still the foolish romantic who hopes her knight will come not once but always in shining armour and whisk her away to someplace beautiful. I still want him to look at me like he used to when we were younger and more visibly in love. I still want him to think that I am all he wants even though he has me.

I still think this day would be more special if it were more romantic than fun.
Did Archies Cards do this to me?

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24 responses »

  1. >Aww how lovely!! These men, I tell ya. Older they get, worse they get with their romantic abilities. I’ve almost given up on p now heh. But honestly, if u feel so strongly about being alone with him, you should make it known to him. He would happily oblige. Men just need a reminder once a while :). He will be reading this post, rite? 🙂

  2. >nicely written and you kind of don’t wanna share him on valentines day, make him read this post, everything will fall into place, cheers 🙂 and that archies lines was perfect !!

  3. >awww i know what u mean as roop said these men… but i make it very clear to my man that on some days its just me and him as for some days its all friendsi think u should do that too have a talk with him

  4. >aww..I guess there are times I feel the same way too. Like for instance,I dont ever wanna party with friends and family on annivs! And mostly The G does understand. Last valentine`s day, he gifted me a Poetry book and sent me ‘desiderata of happiness’ in an email. I was overwhelmed – he never was/is the ‘flowers and cards’ guy(I sometimes still wish he was!)and he never bought me a teddy bear. But he did buy me a stuffed racoon and a turtle 🙂 I guess that`s what makes him so special :)Here`s hoping we all have a perfect V Day! p.s – hope you`re feeling better

  5. >Its not the Archies Cards, but your love for the man.. Cards are mere way of expressing your love in a more visual and dramatic way and to give an aura to the whole picture. Whats more important is what you feel from inside for him and the small, little things you do for him, rather both of you to make this day special. Hope you have a romantic, love filled day with just the man ALONE… 🙂

  6. >@Mystic: You see, we’ve gone beyond the reminding bit. Now if one reminds, the other choses to not remember!@moi: He read the post and gave no reaction. @Monika: When I talk about it he thinks it’s really funny that I still want all the mush!@Piper: A poetry book is so sweet! And to be honest, the gift I got on our first Valentine’s after marriage was exactly a teddy bear; it was a stuffed rat with elephant ears! I couldn’t figure out what it was for a long time, but when I finally did, I couldn’t stop laughing!And thanks, I am fine now 🙂

  7. >even to someone who is quite disillusioned about the romantic love concept, this is a heart warming post. it is admirable how you have come to accept the other, and yet retain your own notions of love…i suppose thats what companionship is all about.a very very happy v day to you!

  8. >@Soulmate: I’d like to believe that too, that it’s my love that makes me trip for mush!@Dbum: I’m glad it sounds like that because I thought it sounded more like a love-lost kinda post.@Sansmerci: For you or for me?

  9. >well i still do not understand how men see love as…just cannot define their definition of luv….so have kinda grown aloof to dse lovey dovey thngs…but ur post has woken up d girl in me even though 4 a short while!!!just loved it!!

  10. >@Aathira: If he does, I’ll send you a Val Day card :D@moi: Or better still, hope he throws a surprise party for me ;)@state of mind?: To be honest, I don’t understand their definition of love either, but that’s not stopping me from holding on to mine.

  11. >Assuming the worst (that there’s no surprise), I take it’s time for you to strike an agreement. For every 2 V-Day’s with friends, the third should be just the 2 of you. Completely fair, no? And with the degree of compromise that a relationship should encompass.I wonder if this is how his friends’ wives also feel!

  12. >@Unsung: I can’t do that. It’s not me. If he doesn’t want it, I won’t have it.@Nisha: Awwww… that was not my intention!@Piper: Happy Val Day to you!

  13. >Lovely! HG and I have moved in the opposite direction…from spending time with groups of friends during Valentine’s we now feel the need to be just by ourselves. It’s nice to have that newly wed feeling back. 🙂

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