>How do you set your privacy settings as a couple – Low, Medium or High? And where do you think others ought to set them?
Why I’m asking this is because I perceive the relationship between a husband and wife to be made of stuff that I categorise as extremely private. If I fight with The Guy, I like to keep it within the four walls of my bedroom. I hate the idea of either one us being loud enough to be heard by anyone outside our room. I hate also the idea of our reason for fighting being analysed and judged. Because in an argument between a husband and a wife, no one’s ever right or wrong. I hate the idea of what transpires between us becoming fodder for anyone’s thoughts or comments.
Not that I want to put up a charade. Not even that I want to portray us as a couple who never fight. But I believe that as two mature adults we can handle our difference of opinions, we can resolve quarrels and we can do without mediators. And if we can’t handle a quarrel, well, what can we handle? The day I have to bring out an issue between me and my husband before others, that would be the day I need to re-think why I’m married to The Guy.
I do not suggest that if you have a rough marriage, you keep it under wraps. Go seek help if required – counselling, therapy or whatever else will work for you – but don’t make a spectacle of yourself fighting like cats and dogs before the rest of the world.
Those are just my thoughts. I know of couples who are more than happy to bring their fights out into their living rooms. They even look to their family members to take sides and lend force to their argument. And sometimes that can get really ugly. The husband and the wife may reconcile a few hours later, but who wants to watch them wash their dirty linen in public while they’re at it? And seriously, to be stuck in the middle of two warring factions isn’t the best place to be in.
And a fight is not the only thing I deem private between a woman and man. Swing the pendulum the other side and I’m quite uncomfortable with blatant display of affection in public as well. Just as heated arguments before a reluctant audience are not part of my privacy settings, so isn’t making out in public. I’m pretty okay with a kiss and a hug or holding hands just as I am with a little dissent between couples, a brief flaring of tempers in full public glare. But keep the details of either your fights or fondlings to yourself.
Entirely my point of view, this. What’s yours?