Apparently, I’m not supposed to raise my eyebrows in surprise when I hear that someone’s wife has been sleeping around with someone else. I’m supposed to mind my own business, ignore and not get judgemental. But these are not people I read about in magazines, these are not people I see in the paper. It’s not like I’m not talking about Saif Ali Khan leaving his wife for a younger woman. These are people I know, whom I meet, who’ve attended parties at my place and invited me to theirs. How can I not judge them?
Tell me also, how I can see married people hooking up with their friends’ wives/husbands and be okay with it? And dismiss the whole thing by saying, “What’s new?” I wasn’t brought up to think adultery is okay and I’m finding it hard to condition myself to believe that. And if it is acceptable to me – all this adultery that I see around me – I shouldn’t be surprised if it happens to me as well. Because I’m married too and it could very easily be me or my husband instead of that man or woman.
There used to be a time when I felt secure in the knowledge that no matter how much somebody flirted with my husband, they would know when to stop because he’s married. Or that my husband would know when to stop. I felt safe indulging in some harmless flirting myself because I thought nobody would misconstrue it to be anything else but that – harmless flirting. But I can no longer look at the picture the same way – because it seems so easy for people to take that flirting just a little bit forward and then still more till it becomes something totally unacceptable – for me at least.
I still attach some amount of sanctity to the institution of marriage. And even though I understand it’s futile to be in a loveless marriage or that a marriage may be beset with other more complicated problems leading people to act the way they do, I do not understand adultery. And such blatant display of it as I see around me now is unsettling.
I can give my husband as much space as he wants but I can’t give him enough space to go ahead and find a girl friend for himself. I will be jealous if he showers one woman with too much attention and I will be insecure if that woman makes eyes at him. Even if it’s all in jest! I will not have someone swooning over my man and be proud he’s so charming. I might be a little proud but I’ll also be a typical wife and make sure that that someone keeps her distance from him. My relationship with my husband is still not so evolved that I’d be able to share him with another woman. And I don’t think it ever will be. Thankfully.