>What I write when I’m feeling low

>I must be growing old, because I no longer can believe in my dreams.

I look at my life and think of all the things I should be grateful for. And I think also of all the things I can never have now, even in my dreams. It’s been a slow and painful stifling, but I’ve done that to my dreams finally. I know now that that heaviness in my heart that leaves me feeling lonely in the middle of a smile is the void that those dreams have left there – a little hollow that sucks in all my happy emotions day after day.

I don’t know if I erred in dreaming or if I erred in pursuing those dreams. I do know that my dreams were not impossible. They’ve been made impossible by circumstances.

Let me say what I want to say even if you don’t know what I’m talking about. Let me say it hurts to consciously lose yourself in the mundane routines of life when your life could have been so much more than mundane. It hurts to live each day thinking of a tomorrow that’s no better.

You may not know what it feels like to look at the world and think where you fit in it because the space you occupied no longer exists. I will tell you it feels lonely. It feels lonely to have nobody with you to dream the things you’ve dreamt of. Or to tell you they will come true. There is no solace in knowing it could have been different if somebody wanted it to be.

I can wipe others’ tears but I can no longer cry. How do you cry for what you can never have? The heart, it weeps. But the eyes can only stare in empty silence. And there isn’t even a future to look at.


23 responses »

  1. >hiee..well i have been reading ur posts from long time now..others posts have show the positive side of u always..looks like these days smthn is pulln u back..move on in life..accept the things that we cant change, at least we will be bit relieved then.

  2. >… What’s more important, I believe, is to keep the dream intact rather than to believe it as unachievable.I believe “It’s never too late”.

  3. >hey, i guess i know wat yr saying… and ill struggle to not be in your position few years hence…. :D… but you, well, i dont know if its too late… i jus believe that u can always find a way if you want to…. i mean, starting by accepting defeat doesnt work… but if u want to see life afresh afresh, u shud be… in th end, u have th spirit… and that shud be sufficient…. and never never blame yr circumstances or yourself, th decisions u took…. u know my golden rule, u have a right to be wrong…. just see wat u can do in th future!i guess yr talkin abt yr dreams of being a journalist.. maybe there’s something u can still do abt it… and let yr mind give u ideas!all th best… i wont be checking th net in th weekdays from now on!

  4. >Been there, felt that :). U know, thats how life is…it makes some dreams impossible so there’s space for you to dream again, hope again. U couldn’t pursue dreams? Don’t worry so much…there will be more to pursue. Life keeps giving you a reason to go on…you’ve just got to belv that there is infact a better tomorrow, one which you’re not even aware of right now :).So, smile…tomorrow will bring more dreams :)!

  5. >@Aneri: Let’s get married! :D@Insane: Yes, that process of acceptance takes a long time.@Unsung: Haven’t we all felt like that?@Alok: I hope so too.@Chandni: It’s not a wrong track, or a wrong decision I took. Sometimes, life decides things for you.@Avaran: No, you’ve got it all wrong. I NEVER dreamt of being a journo. Far from it. And what I’ve already done, I couldn’t care to dream of. Yes, I want to write but not be a journalist again. And that’s not what I’m talking about. I guess at the place in life that you’re at, dreams would mean that perfect job/career. Not for me, that.@Neha: I like that bit about there being more dreams to pursue 🙂

  6. >Don’t look. Stare blankly. And straight ahead. Like has a way of coming up from behind you and tapping you on the shoulder. And then suddenly, you’ll be smiling, inspite of yourself. :0) Hugs.

  7. >you know, last night/day on the flight back home, I was feeling so lost and alone.. the tears kept streaming down and the strength of the sobs hurt.It was weird. Because it came at a time when I thought that I could no longer cry..I`m hoping what you and me are going through are just phases. I`m hoping that I`ll learn to dance with my dreams again. And so shall you.. *Hugs*

  8. >Life is like that D. Compromise is an oft repeated word but so true. But u know, having a dream & losing out on that dream is better than having no dreams at all. I hope things keep get better for u as u proceed in life & u have new dreams that u can fulfil………:)

  9. >Stop feeling sorry for yourself! I f this dream didn`t work out-fine shed a few tears and move on..Go on to the next dream..after all they are dreams-no one guaranteed that they will transform into reality..maybe it was not meant to be..We all ,at some point feel cheated and depressed about things that could/should have been ..its a phase..sorry for sounding pious and holier than thou but remember Bhagwad Gita?? This too shall pass….cheer up this is just not you 🙂

  10. >Our dreams have to just change with time I guess:)Its true that the space we occupied no longer exists, but its up to us to create a new one as we go forward…

  11. >@globalindyan & my space: Have already. But what's that they say about being once bitten and twice shy?@jira: I was waiting for that one – about creating a new space for myself. It has to be done.

  12. >Let me tell you that you are or we are millions among those millions and a thousand added….that sulk at our lives….WHY? WHY? because our dreams never came true…mommy said not to play cricket…daddy said not to become a doctor….the girl I liked told me to find a dumpster to dig my head into….life hits us with all the shit it can to make the already depressing a little more miserable. If your heart feels it right (YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT, just take the shot…..and enjoy the cupcake with those additional thousand laughing at us miserable million. No matter how many hardships you go thorough….even if success doesnt come to you, you'd still enjoy what you are doing with your life. Just trust that dots of your zig zag puzzle are going to join to something wonderful, SOMETHING WHO YOU REALLY ARE. OTHERWISE, YOU WILL REGRET AND SULK AS I DO AND AS OUR MILLION OF FRIENDS DO EVERYDAY….TILL DEATH SAYS>>>YOU LOSER YOU COMMING WITH ME>>>>!!!!!

  13. >we live life like a Yo-Yo.High low highHigh High HighLoo High LowJust like waves in ocean.So be with it andenjoy when highand enjoy your sadness when lowevery moment , every day , months and years that come and goSo just be

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