>I must be growing old, because I no longer can believe in my dreams.
I look at my life and think of all the things I should be grateful for. And I think also of all the things I can never have now, even in my dreams. It’s been a slow and painful stifling, but I’ve done that to my dreams finally. I know now that that heaviness in my heart that leaves me feeling lonely in the middle of a smile is the void that those dreams have left there – a little hollow that sucks in all my happy emotions day after day.
I don’t know if I erred in dreaming or if I erred in pursuing those dreams. I do know that my dreams were not impossible. They’ve been made impossible by circumstances.
Let me say what I want to say even if you don’t know what I’m talking about. Let me say it hurts to consciously lose yourself in the mundane routines of life when your life could have been so much more than mundane. It hurts to live each day thinking of a tomorrow that’s no better.
You may not know what it feels like to look at the world and think where you fit in it because the space you occupied no longer exists. I will tell you it feels lonely. It feels lonely to have nobody with you to dream the things you’ve dreamt of. Or to tell you they will come true. There is no solace in knowing it could have been different if somebody wanted it to be.
I can wipe others’ tears but I can no longer cry. How do you cry for what you can never have? The heart, it weeps. But the eyes can only stare in empty silence. And there isn’t even a future to look at.