>Single – temporarily

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And it’s fun! I am always harangued by The Guy, all in good humour I’m supposed to believe, for not going to my mum’s place often enough and giving him his “single” space. It’s supposed to be a joke that since my parents live in the same city as us, my poor hubby doesn’t get to enjoy the freedom that comes when your wife leaves for her parents’ place in another city! I take offence, in good humour, of course because I’m not infringing on any one’s freedom.

Anyway, so one evening I finally packed my bags after much huffing and puffing and headed off for a sabbatical from married life, the huffing and puffing owing to various reasons: logistical, practical and emotional. For one, it makes no sense to have to pack your bags: clothes, cosmetics, shoes – so many of them, toiletries et al to go and stay in another home just 3 km away from where you are. Secondly, my parents aren’t sit-at-home, cook and sleep kind of middle aged people. They have a hectic professional and social life most days, and I don’t want to be obstructing it. And then, it’s that thing I’ve said before – my addiction to The Guy. (Not fair, I say, to be addicted to someone/something that won’t be addicted to you). And then what’s the point of a husband and wife for going to two different homes when they have to spend the day together at work? I mean, what kind of reprieve from each other is that?

So I changed the rules of the game. This time round, I took off from work too to let The Guy enjoy ALL the single time in the world – work and play all by yourself. And to enjoy mine as well.
And it’s been great, for the part that I wasn’t ill. I’ve been pampered by mum – pampered silly because she knows I’ll be gone in a few days. I’ve read to my heart’s content because there was no internet connection there to distract me, watched TV shows without somebody insisting to check cricket scores every two minutes, visited relatives who’ve complained not without reason of my disappearing act, gone for art and craft exhibitions that The Guy could have only half-heartedly accompanied me to. I spent time with my 3-year old nephew, playing “House” with him, learning about MercuryMan – some super hero on Cartoon Network I’d never heard of before, read out stories to him, fed him, irritated him, cajoled him – all so much fun! I’ve taken mum out shopping, helped her organise those last minute dinner parties my dad is so used to announcing. And just being petted by Papa is so much fun – makes me feel like Daddy’s girl all over again. I even went for a sleep-over to my sister’s place, who lives with her husband and kid in the same city who was all ready to do my beck and call, except that I was a little under the weather to be my natural haughty self.

And what I love most about being home is the positivity – the feeling of living with hope despite the problems, of feeling the faith, of believing in good. It’s living without guilt – of sleeping too much, of being too little at home, of locking myself up in my room just to enjoy ‘me’ time.

On the other side, The Guy made use of his ‘space’ to hang out with his band of boys. He went for stupid movies with the boys without thinking he has a wife waiting at home, for beer guzzling sessions and ‘bachelor’ evenings. It’s great to be a bachelor, I’m told. And I believe. Since I’m such a talker and he’s the listener, it must also mean he gets his share of silence these days, I assume, apart from uninterrupted hours of television viewing. There must be other things I don’t know of that this living away from your wife entails, and I’d be glad to know my husband isn’t deprived of them.

So basically, we’re happy being single, going out for a movie together on the weekend, being there for each other when required and it’s more like dating than being married. It’s more enjoyable I guess because we know it’s temporary. And I hope there’s going to be some rekindling of passions when we get back together!

But I’m not going to tell you half truths. And the whole truth is that I hate the fact that he doesn’t seem to be missing me enough. So what if it’s just ten days we’re talking about living separately, I only wish he’d want me a little more than this, crave for my company a little more, want to listen to me a little more. Sometimes, it just hurts to love someone more than they love you even if they love you a lot.

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20 responses »

  1. >Aww….i know how u feel & I know that I have been in situations where I felt just the same. & the intensity of that feeling of "not being loved as much as u love" is inversely propotional to the years of marriage……How many years have u been married?

  2. >I think this is a great experiment. One needs to remind oneself of who they are and why should another yearn their company. I think it is great that The guy is very self sufficient. He loves ‘his’ time, loves his space and is very comfortable under his skin.Inspite of it all, he has made space for you. A life with you. He makes the effort for you. I think it is flattering to know that he even wants to be with you.You must be very special to him for him to want to make such an effort.Some times people don’t show their love the way we know how to see. It is OK methinks. As long as there is some 🙂

  3. >Speaking as a guy, the beer-nights with friends are good the first two days, but then we start to feel that something’s missing. And though he realizes it’s you, he’ll never admit it. Trust me. I have enough married friends to know that. 😛 …..Married men are like little puppies, really 😛 😛 ….

  4. >@Monika: Why? Do men change?@Unsung: No, not outstation, just outhouse 😉 Only 3 km away!@Det-res: Agreed. Only knowing all that still doesn’t make it easier.@RW: I trust you because that makes me feel nice 🙂

  5. >hahahha.. gud one so true.. one of my colleague use to complain the same and always suggest that never marry a girl from same city. But he cries like child when he has to stay away from home for a week..

  6. >Beautiful post ! “the feeling of living with hope despite the problems”- Totally agree. Inspite of whatever depressed state that my mind is in, home always does that magic to me ! BTW, does The Guy read your blog ? Is there a secret hidden message there for him 😉 ?

  7. >@Nitin: Yeah, the men can laugh about it, the women sympathise!@Monika: I know what you mean…@Inwantofbeingme: No, The Guy has an innate inability to connect to the written word 🙂 and forgets about the blog conveniently. But he doesn’t need to be here to know what I feel; he already knows.

  8. >hey know wut? last month I went to my sister`s place for 2 whole weeks, just becos The G thought it wud be nice to be on our own for a lil while. For me, I wouldve been content to visit them over the weekend and be back home. But it really hurt so bad to think that the so-called separation,even if for a wee while, was so difficult for me. Whereas The G kept saying that its only for 2 weeks. That time will fly! It certainly didnt – not for me. I so understand what you`re going thru. *hugs*

  9. >”Sometimes, it just hurts to love someone more than they love you even if they love you a lot.”…..i so agree with u on this one….really…

  10. >hehe… but with ‘even if they love you a lot’, i suppose its still a great deal better than what most couples share, right? well, anyways, if uv put this much here, i guess u might have something really nigging at you, so just praying that u find th spark back soon! :Dand for all u know, th Guy might hav a secret blog and he mightv written th same thing!!!! hmmph… anyways, Iv been reading Jhumpa Lahiri these days, (must read!) and she talks so much abt relationships a few years after marriage, and after that, ur’s still sounds lik a pleasant love story, if u get wat i mean…. btw, agree completely on th pampered at home part…. all i need to do is keep my paunch from showing itself 😀

  11. >Hey, great to know that you both are having a good time being on your own. But, hey, its not fair to say that he is not missing you as much as you are missing him – maybe it’s the other way round?

  12. >@Piper: *Hug back*@Chandni, pj: So I’m not the only one.@Avaran: I know for a fact The Guy won’t be writing a secret blog, though he might be secretly reading this one. But I agree, I’m luckier than so many others who suffer unreciprocated love.@Mira’s mom: Maybe. But it would help to be sure.

  13. >I am with you on this one. The husband is pretty independent and happy being by himself whereas I am the “clingy” one. and it hurts. And its nothing major simple things. When I come home to an empty apartment, I just crash in the couch and wait for him to get home. Whereas he, changes, makes himself some nice hot cocoa, plants himself to watch TV or reads or even better goes out to run. Its not a bad thing. It hurts that he doesnt need me to be there for him after a long day!Sorry to hog your comment space. Came here from Chandni’s. You totally deserve the award.Congrats!

  14. >@Nevermind: You can have more of it – the comment’s space, that is 🙂 Because what you’ve said is so relevant, like you know exactly what I’m talking about.

  15. >i’m blogging after so long, I’ve missed all your posts.neway, I guess all guys are like that.they run after you in the initial year or two. and all our lives we run after them :)and i guess its ok. if they weren’t the way they are, we wouldn’t love them as much.

  16. >wow u guys are lucky. i went out for one saturday … just ONE saturday and he was so glad in the morning that i was leaving … two hours into the day, i was getting messages about him missing me … :/ go figure. we’ve been together 3 years … can’t imagine a day without him … i wish i could though. we could do our ‘alone’ things without missing each other. bah.

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