>Last night I got killed.

>Last night I got killed. Somebody stabbed me in the back. It was frightful but painless. I did not even bleed.

Last night I got killed in my sleep. It felt so real I was afraid I would open my eyes and find myself dead. I could think, so I should have probably known that I wasn’t dead. But I haven’t died before, so I didn’t know whether dead people can think or not. I finally cajoled myself into opening my eyes and found myself still on my bed in my room and nobody behind me. I was relieved and alive and scared, all at the same time. If I was alive, who had died, I thought. Was this a sign, a message I needed to decode? Was somebody trying to reach me through a vision? (I’ve read too many books that say such things happen to think of this even while my body was wracked with fear). I grabbed the phone and dialled The Guy’s number who had left home for an early morning flight just an hour ago. He was okay. I could go back to sleep.

I have never seen myself dieing before, even in a dream. When I’m extremely unhappy I wish I was dead, but I don’t have what it takes to slash your wrists, to gulp down a bottle of phenyle or anything that could kill you, to jump from a high rise, to hang myself from the ceiling fan – I have none of that in me. I would love to stop existing but I’m always afraid of what if these attempts go wrong? What if I don’t die even after doing any one of these cruel things to myself? That would hurt. And I don’t like pain. I wouldn’t want to be alive after trying to die. So I never think of trying.

But I’m digressing. Here I was feeling dead and this was no dream, probably a hallucination, a half-dream. But who died last night, I wonder…


11 responses »

  1. >hmmm..bad one, i mean the experience. When you see such things in your dream, either you are thinking too much or watching too many scary movies!So you stop stressing yourself with negative thoughts and you’d be just fine.how you’ll do that, I have no clue!

  2. >Its scary indeed!!! I have had dreams of people chasing me or trying to kill m eor smthg.. neverd ead.. But had dreams of others dying!! it feels terrible then.. but u will get over it.. chill!

  3. >@Nisha: Maybe I am subconsciously stressed, because I’m not feeling stressed!@Prince: And how do you manage to come up with such profound comments šŸ˜‰ ?@Solitaire: You’re right, except that if I felt it like that, shouldn’t I have known who died?@Pointblank: I’m sure !@Abhishek: Thankfully, that was just one night – been doing well in my dreams ever since šŸ™‚

  4. >Strangely, I see myself die often (lol)in dreams… seen others die too. But what I find weird is…seeing people die scares me while seeing myself die confuses me. We tend to chase these dreams…looking for answers, interpretations… probably because we have ‘felt’ something. And more than the ‘feeling’… it is the fake instinct about ‘Was this a sign, a message I needed to decode? Was somebody trying to reach me through a vision?’ Yes, blame Frued, if you please, but not all dreams carry heavy meanings or signs, yet every dream we see is a miniscule part of our sub conscious!! You have not died. A part of your sub conscious came alive that day, D! šŸ™‚

  5. >@Chandni: Thank you :)@Nabila: I could blame Freud and so many other authors for forcing me to decode signs that have nothing in them to be decoded. But finally, you’ve done it for me!

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