>Shame on me!

>

I’ve been boasting about a very successful friend who’s become so important in the world of print media that it seems unbelievable. I haven’t been in touch with this girl for quite some time now, yet I’ve been elated at her recent achievement because she seems like one of those few successful people who deserves what she’s got. So when I was overtaken by this bout of depression yesterday when I saw her pic in the mag she’s now editor of, I felt rather ashamed of myself. No, it certainly wasn’t jealousy, but more like regret – of possibilities forsaken, chances not taken. Somewhere, there was this gnawing feeling in my heart as I read through her edit piece that this could have been me had I persisted, but not anymore.

Here I was feeling all important in my world and there was this girl, who’d made it so big in the real world! I felt small and diminutive in stature and I didn’t like it. Suddenly, I felt I’d given up my place on the top, however far fetched it may seem, to settle for something that seemed important only in such a micro way. It reminded me of my unfulfilled ambitions in the times gone by and I found myself wishing that, by some stroke of luck, my life would change course, go back where my heart was.

It’s been a long time since I rued what I have given up to be where I am. And I feel ashamed that I rued my loss because I compared them to someone else’s gains.

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4 responses »

  1. >i think i get you there…. in fact right now, Im battling with my mind, insisting I should not end up like you did…. me too wants to be a journalist… but somehow it seems to be all too hazy.. like, me, with dreams and a devil may care attitude (which is also wearing out, Im afraid)and nothing else – as in, no guide, no spectacular qualifications, and no watever else ill need – will i be ever able be successful in a way that complements th sacrifices i make on a certain career…. like, most people would say i really dont need to go for a low paying hectic job.. being almost a chartered accountant and lots of other stuff…..but iv always wanted to be a newsreader.. since i was 10… a good reader like Prannoy roy, and all those guys on BBC.. and its not th fame.. its just that i loved th way they did it… then when i was 16, i started wanting to do something about most of th things we see bad in th society…. instead of cribbingbut again, thinking of th journey ahead… and the challenge… i really dont know if i can make it big.. if i cant, otherwise its just not worth it…and on top of that.. my speaking and my thinking these days has some sort of a block.. like, it jus doesn come out clearly.. and i end up messing up watever i intend to say… even now, when i see a election special, i know Id love to be doing this, but im not sure i can…btw, wat was th miniscule thing that made you abandon your career?

  2. >D, can’t tell you how real this piece seems. Hmm, I’ve felt the same way and often..even though I’m just at the start of everything…One does think things could have and maybe should have been different but well they aren’t. All I can say is, you’re one of the most successful and enterprising your women I know and you sure do inspire us here in Lucknow. So keep going..whatever it is you’re doing will be BIG and soon! 🙂

  3. >@Ab: I’m no authority on this, but I’d advise you to not give up anything till you’ve at least given it a shot! As for me, I couldn’t move out of my home town for reasons I don’t regret, which would have stagnated my growth in the near future. I changed gears to avoid that.@Missy Baba: Thank you. It helps to hear that :)@Kazarelth: Words of wisdom?!

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