>The Year-Ender

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It’s cliched, it’s predictable and it’s unavoidable – an year-ender, that is.

And really, what an year it has been! Though I didn’t get to doing what I had resolved to at the beginning of 2007 (learn swimming), in retrospect, the year gone by has been one of new beginnings in so many more ways. I’ve travelled places, metaphorically, that seemed so distant when I was planning my journey of life. And they’ve been fulfilling, the experimental trips that I risked.

I left a job of five years, a place of social repute, some friends, an apparent position of power to do something that could have been a bad bet. I did the unthinkable: I made an irreversible decision without informing anyone in my family, and you know I am a family person. At the end of it, everyone did support that decision, but they all accepted they would never have let me resign from my job had they known I was planning to. I still hear a voice of dissent once in a while telling me it was a bad career move – but I know I’ve graduated from a job to a career finally.

Of course, there was regret for some time – I missed doing what I was so good at. But my new venture got me much more than I had bargained for: it brought me respect for my hard work and perseverance, my innovation and intelligence, love and affection from people who hadn’t seen that side of me. And it mattered to me.

Interestingly, five years ago when someone asked me where I imagined myself five years later, I’d said “As my own boss”. I’ve reached there, not knowing how. And it never occurred to me while I was on my way there that this is what I’d always wanted: to be the boss!

I compensated for the writing I had given up by starting my own blog. And I still love being here. No, it’s not as addictive as it used to be, and no, there aren’t half as many readers for it as I want there to be, but it’s okay. Maybe, my readers just don’t like to leave comments. Maybe, they just don’t know I exist. Or maybe, I’m so boring. But really, now it’s okay.

Because I’ve grown up. And not. All at the same time. I’ve left a lot of people behind, not as in a race, but as in emotionally, mentally. They used to bother me at one time of my life. Now, they don’t exist for me at many levels. It’s sad too that you’ve hardened yourself against people you once cared for, but it’s relieving. I feel freer.

But in another way, I’ve lost the freedom to trust blindly. There always is a hint of suspicion lurking below the facade of faith. And it kills my joy, breaks my heart and leaves me bitter. Was this part of growing up too?

I’m still learning that people don’t belong to us, that we don’t belong to people. It’s a tough lesson, but life doesn’t give you many options but to understand it sooner than later. That’s why 2007 has been a year of learning.

However, it has been a good year. I’ve done a whole lot of things I love to: eat good food, buy good shoes and lots of them, wear good clothes, spend good times with friends and family, get drunk on wine, earn money, party, live a good life. I could have travelled more, read more books, exercised more. But I’ll save that for next year!

When I look back at 2007, I’m glad it leaves me more happy than sad: because I lived every moment of it. I laughed and cried, loved and hated with equal passion – because my passion is for life.

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9 responses »

  1. >I like to read your blog! I’m just too lazy to leave comments. But my new year resolution is to leave lots of comments on blogs that I like. So no worries!P.S. : I love comments too.

  2. >ur blog is most definitely NOT boring….i think ur one of the few who didn’t read my post of why i like blogsphere…u have a place of ur own..http://lifeisaboveitall.blogspot.com/2007/12/bloggerspoets-and-confessions.htmli really like this post…coz i could relate a lot to it…the parts about being freer..and about how not being able to blindly trust is a kill joy..but i feel safer because of it..NO ONE indeed BELONGS to us…nor we to anyone..I graduate in 2008..so i hope i can be writing the former part of the post on 5 years…cheers 2 u!and a very happy new year..

  3. >o cool… so thats someone who actually got something out of 2007! th damned year ;)inwy’s do you mind breaking th suspense on wat job u resigned, and wat yr doing right now? and yas finally, about ‘we dont bel;ong to anybody, nobody belongs to us’ i learnt it th hard way, though every moment i just wish it were not true

  4. >@The Lover: Thanks. And I guess everyone likes comments on their blogs, and I always try to respond to interesting posts. Sometimes, however, when I have nothing meanigful to say, I skip too.@Sach: Thanks. And same to you!@Dbum: I’m getting back at you for writing such long post always ๐Ÿ˜‰ So you better read this!@Rohit: Happy New Yr to you too.@Vitruvian: Thanks. And I had no idea so many people were feeling this way.@Ab: Well, I was a Sr Copy Editor with a national daily. Now I’m an entrepreneur. I run a training institute for retail management and aviation with mu husband.And yes, I totally agree with you about not wanting to learn that lesson.

  5. >i loved this post… thoughts apart…they r very well written n connected..makes it a good read. makes me wanna write a post like this!big year for u i guess…as they say…everything happens for a reason…and it happens for good.wish u a very happy new year ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. >@Nikki: Thanks. It’s heartfelt and just written in one of those moments of effortless writing that writers should perpetually have!

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