>The First Person Third Person

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If we could stand out of our realities, would our lives still seem the same? Just for a moment, if we were to view ourselves as not you or me but as a third person, how different would the picture be?

I try to think about how the same thing viewed from different perspectives can make all the difference. And it’s difficult to do that – think of yourself as another person. But just suppose I do manage the feat, how would I see myself?

For one, I’d see myself as having altered irreversibly over the last few years. I can no longer see myself as who I am without thinking about who I used to be. I’ve changed and I know you’d all have me believe that it’s only natural. But somehow, the changes jar me. And I find myself wanting to be able again to laugh like I used to, live free like I used to, love like I used to.

Somewhere deep down I still am the same person probably, but the creases that form with age are etched in my heart and not my face. I wonder when I lost the ability to see things with an unbiased eye. And I can’t think back.

In fact, I used to think about so much more than work and woes. And now there seems to be no time for any of those things that occupied my mind for so many years. I’ve begun to dream less, hope less. I probably have less time for any of that. And sadly, I miss my fantastical world. I’m too much of a realist now; I used to be a dreamer. When my perfect plans were thrown out of gear, I realised it doesn’t help to think of life ahead. And I stopped making perfect plans!

I also see how my relationships have changed because of how I have changed over the years. There’s more love, less passion, more tolerance, less compassion, more pity, less sympathy now – all in different relationships, of course. There must be something good about the way I’ve changed. But I can’t see it. If you like to call mellowing down good, then that’s a good thing I see in myself, but I’m not sure how good that really is.
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9 responses »

  1. >very true and absolutely gr8 post..smthng so in front of us but we cant see..we cant see the change…’life’ we call it…great work ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. >well, actually i ndeed analyse myself from a 3rd party point of view… and th thing that surprises me (and gives me the jitters) is the innocence that Iv lost over the years! like, a lot of the things that are passe today in my life was forbidden no more than two years ago. when i used to think twice before doing something i knew wasnt really right (now i just justify the wrongs)well, many other things, but this is what has been bothering me for a few weeks now. like, the effect is there to see. spiritual life, moral standards (i think im addicted to lying now) everything. but to trace, yes, i wasnt like this 2 years ago, when i wasnt living alone!

  3. >hmm… its not exactly mellowing down.. its basically growing up! but never dream or hope less.. those r the 2 best things in this world..cheers!

  4. >@Rashi: Thanks! And welcome to Let Me Be Me@Ab: Yes, I know what you’re talking about. I feel the loss of innocence too. And I rue it!@Ankit: Yeah, you’re right. And it’s sad how growing up and losing the zest for life go hand in hand.

  5. >umm D,the zest for life goes out?its kinda that you start believin in different stuff.u know,u kinda mature…whats cute for a 3 year old aint necessarily the same for a 23 year old…But yeah,u do sumtimes get caught up in silly stuff.

  6. >I try to do that alot of times, like look at myself as another being. I manage to hate and love myself at differrent times, respect some views and laugh at others, that I hold.Over time, reviewing the constant changes in my life and behaviour have made me realise, no matter what the change be, it is for good, there has been a reason for that change. But what we all tend to do is, is concentrate more on the change than on the reason why we changed…

  7. >when u look at urself from outside, hhmm.. i think we go through different sets of emotions….. pride, embarassement, shame….among the few….!!good post ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. >@Ankit: Nope, I don’t agree! I’ve been forced to grow up :(@Nabila: And people like me focus so much on the reasons for change that they forget whether the change is for or bad. @MAC: Yes, it’s a whole gamut of emotions. And if it’s not regret, it’s not good.

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