>Do we become the person we never want to be?

I’m known for remembering the inanest of details about my childhood. One of them is the way my mother discouraged me from criticising someone too much. She always told me that we unconsciously imbibe the vices we hate most in others because we focus on them so much. It’s a thought that has always stayed with me. And though it might not have served the purpose my mom intended it to, I’ve always feared becoming everything I couldn’t tolerate.

I thought my grandmother’s obsession with cleanliness in the kitchen was beyond unreasonable, till I realised one day I was no different. Like her again, I’d also begun to hoard poly bags obsessively to recycle them. And just like her, I’d started making life so tough for all the house help! Of late, I’d begun to feel my grandma’s soul had come to inhabit my body!

But all that’s still alright, I think, because I loved my grandmother at the end of the day. What I really fear is that as a boss myself now, I’ll become like my ex-boss in whom I’ve seen nothing worth emulating. It’s a nightmare actually. What if I become the horror that an incompetent, inefficient, overbearing, bullish boss can be? No, I haven’t yet been described through any of those adjectives ever yet, but what if?
However, going by what mum says, the reverse must also be true. So if I concentrate well enough on all the admirable qualities of the other ‘good’ boss I had, would I be able to become like him ?

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16 responses »

  1. >i believe that we pick up both positive and negative traits of people we were close to as a child.. however we are more obsessed with the negatives that we may not notice the positives…as much as u pick up the habit of ur grandma that u didnt like, i am sure u even picked up some of her positive traits…just that it lies deeper inside and we fail to notice it.

  2. >wonderful piece. from now on i will not concentrate on the negative traits of other people coz i wud hate to be bullish and irrational like them. And as far as your becoming a BOSS is concerened you will rock. do employ me in ur organisation it will be an amazing experience.

  3. >@MAC: Yes, that’s true. Only that I’m aware of only those qualities I never aspired to!@Eram: Hi! I’m sure you’ll never become bullish and irrational like some people you may see around you. And thanks, I love the confidence you guys show in me 🙂 I’d love to work with you, if the worlk is meant for you and you are meant for that work. Take care!@Andrew: How do you think that happens? Osmosis? Lol!

  4. >Do you remember that episode in ‘Friends’ when Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail a boat? She keeps screaming at him like her dad used to scream at them and then comes the ultimate: “Greens never quit” which makes her stop for a moment and lament: “Did I say ‘Greens never quit’. Oh, my God! I’ve become like my dad. I was trying so hard not to be like my mother that I didn’t see this coming.”And that’s what happens so often with us, as you rightly point out, consciously or unconsciously, we incorporate a lot of things (to the peril of our personalities) which we could have well done without, but that’s not what we should focus on, I think. For just like we absorb the positive and negative energies of others, we are also constantly emanating vibes which are being absorbed by others. So why not focus on ensuring that our energies remain positive, that we give to the world what we desire in return?

  5. >It is said we hate somebody because somewhere we wish to have certain aspect of his/her personality in ours! We are constantly influenced by people we meet in some way or the other. Often we do not realise it. Probably that’s the beginning of imbibing the traits of the person we hate!!!

  6. >Osmosis LOL Association according to my mentors in one of the biggest keys to success. If you want to be a basketball player you should spend time in a gym with ballplayers. If you want to be a politicans than you should spend time in that environment, etc. I could go on but that would be excess, so I will stop but you get my point

  7. >Sounded like it’s the news of you becoming what you wanted to be! 🙂 It’s of course half the job done perfectly. And fears can be good guards on rough roads, if they are tamed well. 🙂 The best of the wishes to you.

  8. >@Smita: Yes, I remember that episode. And it so well illustrates my state of mind.@Purva: That makes sense to some part of my brain, but no, we don’t always aspire to be the person we hate. I’m sure.@Andrew: Got the point.@Nabila: All I can say is you’ve been lucky.@Blogger bhaiyya: Lol! I’m really sorry for you!@Prince: Make total sense.@Jubin: 🙂 How did you know? Yes. And thanks, I’l remember those words.@Dhruva: I hope not in my case

  9. >thank you to your mum. very profound and pithy advice, the kind we only value much later when it comes to us repackaged as an epiphany. but it’s got me thinking and thanks for that.hopefully it works the opposite way.whatever we praise about and respect in a person starts rubbing off on us as well. 🙂

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